#also you made Ren cry WTF

[mothwingwritings]

Your writing is so painful (in the good way) and comforting at the same time, i come with a smol req :> btd has been a new fixation and i REALLY like how you write ren and strade, and a thought popped to mind for something that if youd like you could take credit for and publish :> /nf

CW: suicide attempt, violence, the typical stuff to expect

Reader has been pushed to the breaking point. If they go out, it needs to be on THEIR terms. Something fully theirs, something relatively peaceful, something neither of them can take away or ruin, something they both have to stumble upon.

It was a breach of the rules, to go into the basement. But at this point, who cares? It was an easy out and in, grabbing rope and sneaking back upstairs. Ren was cooped up in a room, and Strade was busy elsewhere, probably preparing for another night out to find a playmate for the next day.

The hallway. It was lit enough, high enough, and the hole in the cieling from a leaking pipe that barely showed through was comically perfect. Grabbing a chair, they managed to tie it the best they could around the pipe. It was thick, but old...it should be good enough. It would be.

Tying the noose was easy enough. Some weird spiritual interference perhaps, aiding reader in knowing how to tie it, easier than tying their shoes or anything else.

They put their head in, and letting out a final breath, kicked the chair far back into the livingroom.

The clatter was enough to make Ren's head peek out, and he, being the sweetheart he is, screamed and immediately went to grab their legs and add whatever support he can as they tried to kick him away. He called for Strade, the most terrified he's ever sounded, pleading, sobbing as he tried to offer whatever support he could.

Strade came running, and it didn't take long for him to act fast either. Grabbing the chair, using it to stand on and cut the rope, letting them fall limply onto Ren. They were alive, just...dissociated. Staring blankly at the floor, tears making a pool beneath them.

Whatever happens next up to you :P

Thank you so much for you kind words darling! <3

I really love this, and love thinking about what Strade would do in this kind of situation. He would DEFINITELY be pissed off- but he would be conflicted on how to channel his rage.

If you were to die, it was going to be HIM that killed you. How fucking dare you try and take the easy way out and rob him of potentially the best time of his life? You were so much fun and such a delightful source of entertainment for him that he decided to break his own rules and go against his entire nature to keep you around for the long run, and THIS is how you repay him? Unforgivable, truly.

The whole reason he kept you alive was because his desire to keep you outweighed his desire to end you. He knew that the fleeting pleasure he felt in your death would pale in comparison to the elongated bliss he would experience were he to preserve your existence and keep you in his 'care', always near by as a source of stress relief or amusement should the need arise. In the long run he knew keeping you would be the correct choice, and you proved that to be true when your continued presence in his life had been worth it thus far. You and Ren were the icing on the cake to his perfect little secret fantasy life, and he wanted to keep basking in that ideal world for a long long long time.

You couldn't die-not without his permission, not without it being by his hand. And you wouldn't die- he would not allow it, at least not yet.

But that did not mean that you wouldn't be punished for this transgression against him. Long, torturous, horrendous, nightmarish hours awaited you in that hell pit of a basement. A long, drawn out one on one session, just you and him, so he could take the time to really and truly show you what your purpose was, what your lot in life had become, and who decided your very fate.

You fucked up bad schatz, and by the time he is done with you you are going to REALLY regret being unsuccessful in your attempt. He would say better luck next time, but you will never be getting that again. :)

[salemcantupdate]

Alright!

I just finished all of the routes in DMMD, so now I’m gonna give my thoughts that nobody asked for in the order I played in!

So, Clear was my first. This is the only play through where I wasn’t googling all of the answers and was simply going with what I thought was right, and all the story beats were very well suited to my likes! Clear still holds a special place in my heart and I love him so so much. His good ending is the only one that made me cry out of all of the routes! Over all, I think this story was very good and I like the direct confrontation with Toue at the end, THOUGH GODDAMMIT HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THE TRICK TO HIS GOOD ENDING WHEN I FIRST PLAYED, YOU JUST SIT THERE AND WAIT, HOW WAS I TO KNOW. Ahem. Anyways, Clear is a very good boy who I wanna cuddle with

The next character I got was Mink! He really interested me in the first half because god… his voice… so I definitely was gunning for him. Had the guide all pulled up and everything. And I did enjoy his route, of course, it did make me feel very… eugh in many parts. In general it makes me uncomfortable when I know information is being hidden from me in some way, so Mink never explaining anything was annoying. But that fits the character. BUT, what does drive me insane is that his good ending doesn’t even have you talk to him! He doesn’t apologize or explain! Aoba just hunts him down and it ends on finding me!!!! I wanted so much more!!!!! So, Mink’s route was good but the end just didn’t satisfy me, I desperately wanted more. Also, Mink is likely my favorite character, I have already read so many fanfics about him, I’m kind of obsessed.

Koujaku… hm, his was interesting. Once again the hidden information and lying and whatnot but the tattoo stuff really came out of nowhere for me! But, still it was a lot of fun! And I love that Sky pretty much has his ending in Koujakus bad end! It makes me happy since I do actually like Sly a lot. Also the good ending with Koujaku is just so sweet and cute, the first good ending in the game that made me feel all happy and good. Though… it does bug me that we just flat out don’t see Toue in this, we beat the tattoo artist and that’s it. Guess it doesn’t change the fact that Koujaku’s scrap moment is probably my favorite, just… how Aoba talks to him is still stuck in my head.

Noiz… oh… his route was so disappointing. First of all, no villain at all!?!? Then they say he can’t empathize at all due to lack of pain, which is a bullshit excuse, especially since I’m the locker room area he was clearly starting to empathize for Aoba. And then his good ending?! God it’s terrible! The absolute worst! First of all, they entirely remove his disability WHICH YOU CANT JUST REMOVE WTF, and THEN they half ass it and just show him without almost any of his piercings, he “cleaned up his act” and his sweeping Aoba off his feet to Germany?! We don’t get to see ANY of this character development! Plus it literally got rid of all the stuff I liked about it! We get sold on an edgy pierced up boy that has difficulty empathizing and is a great hacker, but then we end on a fucking Prince Charming rich bitch? UGH

Anyways, to move on from that, Trip and Virus! I wanted to save Ren for last, so I did them first. And… hm, well, it’s not really their route. Just an alternate Ren bad ending. But, I did like it, and I am personally a fan of Trip and Virus. I find them really interesting and I honestly kind of wish we had more in their ending since I just like them a lot. Guess this is just hammering home the point that I need to somehow gain access to Re:Connect, huh…

And now, for the grande finale… Ren!!! Alright! I honestly liked this route from a story perspective the most. Unlike the other routes, I had no gripes with the pacing or the final battle, plus I like how they actually take action very quickly rather than loitering around. By far, this is the best route for Aoba’s growth! Plus the ending with Toue is great and I am quite pleased with the overall worldbuilding. Plus… I do really like Ren! And I do wish we could have somehow saved Sei, not just killing him. And UGH, I want to talk to Sly more!!!! But none of this is proper complaints on the story, I just like it so much that I want more of it! Though, of course the representation of DID is not the best out there, but honestly, with everything I know, it’s actually not all that bad. I even like it for the most part. But yes, over all, I really enjoyed it, a wonderful “canon” ending!!

And thus the rankings

As characters, it has to be Mink, Ren, Clear, Virus and Trip, Koujaku, and Noiz. I do still quite like Noiz, though, don’t worry guys! I just prefer the others.

And for the routes it has to be Ren, Clear, Koujaku, Mink, Noiz, and Virus and Trip. Though they’re only last cause you can hardly call that their route.

[ashesandhackles]

Akitl for character ask - I'm curious about the song in particular

And I already know about Akigure so another nOTP for her 🥺

• favorite thing about them

She is a character that sits at the top of and embodies the themes of Fruits Basket. From technical standpoint alone, she is an achievement.

Although, favourite thing as a character - that she takes responsibility for her actions when finally confronted with it and breaks the curse. Her fear of abandonment is something I viscerally relate to. I cry on those chapters every time.

• least favorite thing about them

The God complex. It gets contextualised and is more sympathetic in Act 3, but until then..😐

• favorite line

"the world is terrifying and unrecognisable. I don't know how to live with strangers, where eternal bonds aren't real"

Also her sassing Ren: "sleeping with Shigure once sure made you cocky" 😂😂 wtf what a weird mother-daughter fight. So messed up.

• brOTP

Hanajima! It is implied they become friends after the events of the manga and i think Hanajima has great capacity to understand Akito's guilt and need to atone.

• OTP

Akito x Tohru. As you said, Takaya should have given us the greatest lesbian story of all time.

• nOTP

Kureno. Such a mess that relationship was, and utterly unhealthy for both of them.

• random headcanon

She has a sweet tooth and affinity for junk food. Hatori keeps a careful watch over those because she is already quite sickly.

• unpopular opinion

Akito going to jail would have undermined the themes of the story and what it was trying to say. I talk about it here

• song i associate with them

Hear Me Roar - GOT OST

• favorite picture of them

Love this fanart.

My favourite shot of Akito from manga would be the first time Tohru sees her - hanging from a window! (Reboot changed it to a car - which i like for early Kureno Easter egg, but the manga panel we first see is gorgeous).

[scarred-but-still-smiling]

Vibes I Associate With Each Hermit

False: post-workout adrenaline, when your skin is tingling and your muscles are aching and you're high as a kite on the rush

Cleo: sitting on an old broken headstone, worn smooth by time, and shooting the shit; talking about stuff that pisses you off and jokingly plotting murders with your best friend

Stress: your best mate who's got chronic little sister energy and probably grew up with a whole football team worth of brothers so she can 100% kick your ass and look adorable doing it. Voted most likely to kill you with a sparkly lollipop made of magic.

Ren: your stoner big brother who never tries to get you into it but who says that he feels the safest getting high when he's with you. You learned to cook mostly because he devoured leftovers that were meant to last a week in one sitting because of the munchies. His favourite thing to talk about while high is Star Wars.

Scar: you would fight the world to keep this man soft and kind. One of the few people whose light hasn't gone out yet and you hope he stays that way. If he didn't need the wheelchair, he'd probably be curled up like a cat croissant 90% of the time.

Cub: sibling energy, but like, the kinda sibling you'd go full jackass with. He'd eagerly keep helping you test your soapbox airplane even after it crashed 5 times already

Beef: warm dad. A freshly cooked roast dinner with chicken, potatoes, carrots, etc. only just plated and is steaming up your glasses. Warm and safe hugs, a warm cabin in the woods when you're stranded in a blizzard

Etho: sibling vibes, you'd happily push him in front of a train but if anyone else so much as insults him you'll kill them. He's the kinda brother who would hunt down your abusive ex and murder them for making you cry

Joe: that one English teacher that you're not 100% sure actually existed and you've gotta check with your old classmates just to make sure you didn't hallucinate him, but everyone else feels the same way

Xisuma: your best friend's dorky older brother, an absolute dweeb who is a whiz at computers and has dedicated his life to figuring out the exact function and limitations of every piece of syntax

Keralis: that one kid you know who's just So Affectionate and who is probably one of the few reasons you're still sane. He's also a bit of a git sometimes but he's got the kinda face you can't stay mad at for more than a few seconds

Tango: like Cub but Extra. "hi I'm tango and this is jackass" you actually have to fight him to get to do the dumb stunts yourself, whereas Cub would be happy to just hold the camera

Impulse: that one friend you know that's always up at stupid o'clock in the morning because they're working on something. It's 3am and he's still awake wtf? Like yeah you should probably be asleep rn too but he's actually Doing Shit

Bdubs: he's very loud, and some people might call him obnoxious, but he's just got a lot of enthusiasm and not much Bdubs to keep it in. It's very endearing. Also the only friend who actually has a healthy sleeping schedule.

TFC: grandad. Gives amazing hugs, lets you stay up way past your bedtime, is not even close to being above shenanigans, also occasionally way too old for this shit.

Zed: adhd. Zed's vibes are just pure adhd.

Mumbo: same as Zed really, only he's got more inattentive type vibes. A highly intelligent moron who constantly gets frustrated with his own brain

Grian: would punt you out of a helicopter to see what happens

Doc: yknow Buford from Phineas and Ferb? The bully who was actually a huge softie? Doc is Buford only German

[ae0nx]

FRUITS BASKET S3 EPISODE 1 + 2 RECAP!

Yayyy! Season 3! Finally! I’m hoping this season will make me understand/sympathise with Akito and maybe even Shigure a little bit more because... honestly? My opinions on episode 2?... I might get some flack for my opinions on them...  😬

But, first: I’d like to appreciate how on the Funimation app we got a little interview/message from a few of the english dub VAs! Specifically Colleen Clinkenbeard, Jerry Jewell, Eric Vale, Ian Sinclair and Brina Palencia (Akito, Kyo, Yuki, Kureno and Isuzu). And it was nice seeing some of their opinions of the characters they play and how much they’re emotionally invested in the story. (Ian’s such a nerd ‘I wanna see giant mechs later this season’ 😂 - I lowkey stan him lol)

You should definitely check it out if you’re interested in what they would have to say!

ANYWAYS, let’s get into it...

---------------------------------------------------------------

EPISODE 1

I really love this depiction of the original zodiac and how you can just tell from the tone of the scene how desperately the God of the Zodiac was clinging on to these connections that they had with the participants in the banquet. How much they clung on to and loved the cat... Also, interesting how Tohru’s narrating this scene... almost like she can relate to the desperation of wanting to keep things the same... but we’ll get to that later. But also, Tohru is a God

This new opening is beautiful, I love the way that camera moves around the still illustrations and how the general tone just hammers down that... this season is gonna be some real shit lol (which makes me nervous for the opening for the second half 😳). It’s so warped and the general blue, grey and black tone that follows around every Akito scene we get in the anime has bled into every scene in this opening concerning the rest of the zodiac. Almost... like something is decaying. It’s great, it’s just very sad lol. I love the song tho, issa bop.

One of my favourite things in stories is when we get a bigger villain than the ‘pronounced’ villain of the story. Ren’s introduction through a manicured outstretched hand towards Kureno and Hatori is so weirdly gross in what it insinuates (especially when you apply her connection with Shigure) but again... I wanna know why she’s such an asshole to Akito specifically besides the bad mental health management within the Sohma compound. I have an inkling of what it is through memory of the manga, but like Akito and Shigure... I just wanna understand why.

Also, Ren is gorgeous and I’m sorry for simping. 

I mean... she’s kinda got a point? She just didn’t need to be so mean about it lol. It’s pretty clear that the connection the zodiac have to each other is real and something they cannot control. BUT, wouldn’t it be easier if this connection wasn’t perpetuated by outer circles of the family and if Akito herself wasn’t so cruel about it? But, I guess Akito - through her relationship with her mother - kinda doesn’t know how to genuinely show love and affection. (Which brings me into my thoughts of how the manga ends and how I kinda... have a few problems with it which I will get to... when that comes lol)

Lol - weeeeeeeee! (flashes back to Tohru being yeeted into the river). Is this a part of Akito’s god-like powers?!

Again. She’s got a point! They’ve both got a point. But, they’re both the source of the problem. It’s really painful to see two mentally ill people duke it out. This whole institution is just rotten.

- I am super curious about what Akira’s relationship was like with the zodiac and if it was just as dark. I’m gonna assume it slightly already was, as the exclusion and degradation of the cat curse is already dark in itself but maybe the rest of the zodiac were just fine with how things were? I dunno if we actually will get the full backstory of Akira and his zodiac but I’m definitely intrigued

Ok, but if four crying children came up to me after I’d just consummated with my partner to reach out at my stomach chanting ‘we’ve been waiting for you’. That would disturb me and scar me for a while too so... 😂. I know it’s supposed to be ethereal and spiritual but... dude, wtf lol

...I don’t like how much I’m into Ren being such a Villain™  😅

- Akito being seen as a crying child by the older zodiac members has always been interesting to me because yes, they could see her as that through mainly the age gap, general empathy and the way she sometimes irrationally acts out. But, also the depiction of Gods being seen as children having tantrums has being reflected in many different beliefs and myths (especially Greek Mythology) and I just like the fact that this all powerful, all knowing being would be compared to a child. It gives you a different perspective on power.

- Is the paper note in the CD case that Kureno gave back to Tohru an extra addition or was it always there?...

Mannnn... I really wanted Isuzu to fuck shit up after seeing Tohru so upset but... *le sigh* (outfit’s still on point)

But, I’m so glad we get an equal Ethereal Goddess to save Tohru! HANAJIMA! We love her, we stan her. <3

- ‘Tohru will be in my custody’ 🤣 I personally think Hana’s bluntness was a kindness in her conversation with Yuki because if I found Tohru upset? I’d automatically start firing metaphorical shots at everyone in that house

- Shigure fearing Hana makes me sleep better at night <3

Hana’s just like ‘hmm... sounds like someone I know... 👀’ I’m here for this parallel between Tohru and Kureno in the hopes that Tohru doesn’t ever get in as bad a situation as Kureno. Ahhh... Kureno... (Also, Laura Bailey was killing it in this scene as always)

- Hmmm... there’s something terribly poetic about Kyo saving Tohru’s scarf from oncoming traffic... but also, Kyo can’t help himself aha

KWEEEN! I love this look for Uo, it’s very Kyoko. I already said this in Season 1 but I STILL need to get wool-lined jacket. Outfit Appreciation goes to her - 3.5 stars.

<3<3<3 Friendship is magic!

- Megumi is such a good egg as always! From him going to get Uo to him being so wise with his outlook on love and how it takes time to really flourish. The best!

- This whole episode ends really nicely from Tohru’s return home and Kyo washing and returning Tohru’s scarf and Yuki being happy to see Tohru and Shigure being somewhat decent. It was nice to get a bit of relief after the tornado of emotions

Also, this was a nice screencap! Even Kyo is smiling!!! :))))

EPISODE 2

*takes sip of wine* ...ok.

👀... later lol

This scene really highlighted how Tohru is starting to see Shigure and the whole zodiac curse in a new and darker way. For the first time, it felt like Tohru was a little bit more guarded around Shigure and I hope they delve more into this season. Her description of her feeling around the curse being like a ‘dark well with no bottom in sight’ is pretty spot on. Ugh.

Aw! Is this the last we’re getting of Small!Momiji?! I love them :3 (Momiji’s shorts look a little shorter too, like he’s growing out of them ahaha)

- I haven’t found the Yuki fan club funny since their first scene in the anime but their poor disguises made me chuckle

- Yayyy! Kyo has an obsessive fan club too? ...Yay?? 😅 haha

- ‘I won’t kill them but they can go to hell’ why is Kyo speaking like me?! 😂

The fact that we got a scene of Yuki kinda admirably looking at a group of friends (boys and girls) playfully physically interacting and he unconsciously reaches out to Machi almost like he forgot about the curse? Heart eyes... 🥰

Again. Relatable. 😂 God, Yuki. You really are an airhead. Bless your soul. <3

And that look says it all. Damn. Kyo’s sense of hopelessness is heartbreaking but I still stand by it being understandable considering his circumstances.

Kyo freaking out about Tohru being visually upset was super cute but I couldn’t even appreciate the fluff because the whole scene had such a morbid tone to it, despite it being so visually romantic:

KYO’S FACE!!! 💔 Ahhh, my emotions!!!! Also, that shot from Tohru’s perspective under her bangs is great.

- Poor Mitsuru, I’d ask for extra pay just for dealing with Shigure’s ass.

Hahah - what a great metaphor!

- Now that Shigure’s ‘true form’, so to speak, has been fully exposed all his comments that are supposed to be teasing come off so much more awful. Him insinuating Mitsuru wasn’t ‘upper class’ enough for Ritsu was awful

COLLLDDDD. AS. IIIIIIICE. But seriously, Shigure this whole episode was cold in many different ways but I definitely felt this personally since I’ve been told something like this by a family member before... 😕 Also, it’s just gross how both Shigure and Akito are taking their own personal issues and mistrust of each other out on to other people. The curse and the institution behind the curse complicates a lot of feelings for sure, but there’s a difference between wrong and right and I get the general feeling that they both are just using the muddy waters to their advantage. Although, I feel like Shigure is taking more advantage of this than Akito but I’ll get into that in a bit.

- There’s also something about this episode that made me sympathise a lot more with Kureno in a more understandable way. But, it also makes me question the ending of this whole story and the resolutions that happen and what life for the whole Sohma institution/family looks like after the curse has broken.. I guess, I should read ‘Fruits Basket Another’ after this, huh?

😳... Shigure is so petty, man. Really?!

So...

I hate this relationship. I’m sorry. I know there are loads of people who like this relationship. And I’m still giving myself space for the show and the story to convince me why it’s worth it. But... I really don’t like this relationship. It’s so toxic. In so many ways. And in a weird way, this scene made me feel a LITTLE bit more for Akito than Shigure. It feels like Shigure gaslights everyone in his life but none no more than Akito, herself. I hate the fact that he keeps saying he loves her while hurting her or disregarding her. You know, almost like he’s treating her like a child. But on the other hand, I hate the fact that Akito has lowkey gaslighted herself into thinking she can treat people however she wants because she is ‘God’. I understand this is part of the way she was brought up and it seems like life in the Sohma compound has been very isolating for her so there’s been no one really to show her better (or have the confidence to show her better). But, at least I can be a little bit more sympathetic on her side than Shigure’s. I dunno... it’s just all very ugly and toxic and I’m hoping that it’ll turn around somehow.

I just hope it’s not one of those relationships that are ‘so good cos it’s so bad’.

...I’ll briefly talk about the ending theme to end this on a good note lol:

I really like this ending! I dunno if they’re gonna have two endings and two openings for this season but this ending definitely feels like it should’ve gone in the second half as it’s almost spoiler-y? But, then again what anime opening and ending isn’t packed with spoilers lol

All the illustrations are gorgeous, I’m assuming they were drawn by Takaya-sensei herself as it seems very much in her current style of artistry but my favourite illustrations are definitely the ones shown above! <3

---------------------------------------------------------

Ahhh! Fin! Sorry, about this one being super long and you probably having to scroll past a whole lot on your dash 😝 As usual, I had a lot to say. I’m open to hearing from people who actually like Shigure and Akito’s relationship btw, it’s just that everything before and episode 2 just really didn’t sail the ship for me, personally. I do want to understand! Haha

See you soooon!

[sunflowrhaz]

I was tagged by @theleavesoflorien​ to answer a few questions that dig a little deeper. thank you darling!! (this is literally months old oops) 💛

1. Do you prefer writing with a black pen or a blue pen?

both really, i don’t have a preference

2. Would you prefer to live in the country or in the city?

country! i hate cities so much! i grew up visiting my grandparents farm all the time growing up! although instead of the country preferably a seaside town such as the one i live in. it’s not too busy but not far away from everything.. plus i couldn’t part from the sea! 

3. If you could learn a new skill, what would it be?

picking back up painting, continue learning norwegian (don’t look at me like that marianne i keep saying i’m learning it but i’ve been so slack asdfdsasdf), get back into marimba

4. do you drink your tea/coffee with sugar?

tea with sugar is so gross! i only drink herbal teas. my favourite is spearmint

5. What was your favourite book as a child?

the harry potter series!! and the rainbow magic books asdfgfdsa, the princess diaries series, anything roald dahl, anything dr suess, captain underpants lol, hairy maclary, mr mcgee and the biting flea asdfdsadf soo many i was such a loner as a child and literally read every single book i could find

6. Do you prefer baths or showers?

showersss

7. If you could be a mythical creature, which one would you be?

a mermaid so i can live my h2o fantasy adfasdfds or a dragon 🐉

8. Paper or electronic books?

paper always! i love the smell and i would love to have a giant bookshelf filled with books one day! i read on my phone for fics of when i get a free ebook but my right eye is so blind it’s like bitch no stop please lmaoo

9. What is your favourite item of clothing?

all my flowy boho cotton blouses and pants! and my fave blue jeans and grungy tshirts

10. Do you like your name? Would you like to change it?

i used to wish it was a little more unique like shortening it to ren/wren instead of lauren because i had 4 other lauren’s in my grade at school 😂i was literally friends with two lauren’s asdfgfdsa

but in the end i do love my nicknames lozz,lozzy, lozza so it’s not so bad!

11. Who is a mentor to you?

my mother and my grandfather! my grandfather is my biggest inspiration 💛seeing all that he has achieved and his views and mentality on life.

12. Would you like to be famous? If so, what for?

nooo thanks. the only famous i would want to be is for activism/humanitarian/environmentalist stuff but even then i wouldn’t want to be super famous and known?

13. Are you a restless sleeper?

nope! once i’m out i am out! i love my sleep and do everything i can to ensure i get the best sleep ever! now if you’ll excuse me i’m off to listen to harry’s calm meditation 😂

15. Which element best represents you?

fire and air

16. Who do you want to be closer to?

my brother! i feel like i don’t see him as often anymore what with his work and living in seperate houses. he is my best friend so i miss just always having him near me all the time.

17. Do you miss someone at the moment?

no one so much as just not seeing my family as often even though i do see them every week. i just want a big family holiday to spend time with them. and i’m missing some of my mutals atm who are busy lately 😞

18. Tell us about an early childhood memory.

i blocked out so much of my childhood eeep ummm probably visiting my grandparents farm, riding horses, my grandfather driving us around on a trailer on the back of a tractor, collecting cicada skins with my brother and starting a collection of cool bugs, stealing berries off the mulberry bush ahaha, finding snake skins (why did we like collecting skins wtf asdfd) 

19. What is the strangest thing you have eaten?

snails? crocodile? i don’t even know ahaha (snails are amazing btw yummm i used to eat them all the time in vanuatu growing up)

20. What are you most thankful for?

my family, my health, the beautiful country i live in, the friends i have made on here 💛so many things

21. Do you like spicy food?

yummmmmm yes! just not super duper spicy i can’t handle that asdfgfsa

22. Have you ever met someone famous?

no i don’t think so? wait patty walters from as it is i got a pic and a hug from him <3 other than that no i don’t think so i mean i’m in the middle of nowhere asdfdsa woohoo australia

23. Do you keep a diary or journal?

i kept a super embarrassing diary at 12 but apart from that nope! like seriously that diary haunts me i don’t know what happened to it please for the love of god i hope it got thrown in the trash asdfdsa the CRINGE 

24. Do you prefer to use pen or pencil?

pen! 

25. What is your star sign?

sagittarius sun, capricorn moon, libra rising 

26. Do you like your cereal crunchy or soggy?

CRUNCHY! wtf who is eating soggy cereal you are seriously disturbed asdfgfdsa

27. What would you want your legacy to be?

this is so tough ummm just bettering humanity and the environment idek 

28. Do you like reading? What was the last book you read?

yes!! i was the loner kid in school who sat in the library at lunch reading all the books asdfgfdsa. the last book i read was the raven king by maggie stiefvater because LIBBY got me totally obsessed with this series god dammit what have you done to me and i am currently reading call down the hawk which is a sequel to the raven king (dammit libby asdfdsdfdsa)

29. How do you show someone you love them?

i always seem to cater to them with acts of service? so like cooking for them etc.. just doing stuff for them and looking after them in general? idk how to describe it. also sweet little messages and notes and cuddles! oh BOY will i tell you how much i love you in a birthday card or message asdsa like i will bring a tear to your eye baby just made my grandpa cry with his bday card asdfdsa

30. Do you like ice in your drinks?

crushed ice mmmmmm

31. What are you afraid of?

losing my family, never travelling, being stuck/tied down

32. What is your favourite scent?

the ocean, rain, books, sea breeze, wet grass, coffee, lavender, clean sheets, spearmint

33. Do you address older people by their name or surname?

mostly their name? i mean i feel like where i live in australia it’s pretty chill and not so formal? i even call my grandparents by their first names adfgfdsa mainly because my grandma did NOT want to be called grandma 

34. If money was not a factor, how would you live your life?

OH BOY! i would be travelling non stop! i would literally never come home, i would be travelling around the world, living overseas etc... literally i would just be living on a boat sailing around greece or wherever. omg how i would love to do that :(

35. Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean?

it depends. i would say the ocean (i love her so much) but also i was a swimmer for over 10 years so i love the pool too. i love sitting on the bottom of the pool, it’s so calming

36. What would you do if you found $50 on the ground

keep it but if i knew whose it was i would return it

37. Have you ever seen a shooting star? Did you make a wish?

no :( hopefully one day

38. What is one thing you would want to teach your children?

i’m not having children

39. If you had to have a tattoo, what would it be and where would you get it?

maybe a quote/word or something on the back of my arm above my elbow idek i have an entire tattoo board on pinterst asdfdsa even though i know i would never get one i am too indecisive  

40. What can you hear right now?

 i’m listening to a pop punk playlist on spotify

41. Where do you feel the safest?

at home with my family

42. What is one thing you want to overcome/conquer?

my procrastination habits omg i am the worst!! certain family relations

43. If you could travel back to any era, what would it be?

dinosaurs mate, straight up, jks jks... no but really dinosaurs would be soo cool though, or maybe ancient greece?

44. What is your most used emoji?

💛✨😂

45. Describe yourself using one word.

more than one came to mind so giddy, optimistic, cheerful

46. What do you regret the most?

not travelling heaps after school ( i mean i was broke but still i should have worked more *sigh*) travelling looks really bleak now thanks to covid :(, losing touch with 3 certain people from high school i suck at staying in touch with people i am such an introvert 😞

47. Last movie you saw?

enola holmes and i loved it so much!

48. Last tv show you watched?

the mandalorian

49. Invent a word and its meaning

wobmap - intense affection and wonder for nature and the world

asdfgh what even

i tag: @pridesobright @sunflower-vol14 @rnbziamau @dailylouis @boobear-harold @princessparkhl @rosegoldeyelids @echoedsparks @angelharry (it’s been a while my secret santa pal ahaha hello!) and whoever else want’s to do this please feel free to say i tagged you! :) feel free to ignore 

[lunadragongem]

This is part 1. Part 2 is the aftermath.

So I've had this idea based on another fanfic (It's School watches Assassination Classroom by TheSteinsGateFormula Please check it out, its amazing)

We know the song 'Sans Needs Help' from YouTube. So why not let it be Karma from Assassination Classroom?

Also, I changed the lyrics a little to suit better for the storyline.

Enjoy!!

Ritsu cleared her throat and gained everyone's attention. "Alright, let's take a break for now! This next video is a mini-episode, more of a music video, ahaha," Ritsu rubbed her arm as she said awkwardly.

"Is something wrong with the video?" Some C-class student said. "N-no...It's more of a sensitive topic...and personal. Karma, could I speak to you in private?"

E-class looked at the redhead who shrugged and went with Ritsu.

<With the students and teachers>

There were whispers and theories all around.

"What do you think they're talking about?" Kayano asked Nagisa. "I don't know. Karma and I have been friends since our first year but, I still don't know much about him. He has this way of easily avoiding things without the other person realizing it," (I hope he's ok...)

<With Karma and Ritsu>

"So...Is it ok if I show them?" Ritsu asked timidly. Karma's eyes went bleary. "Sure, You said my future self told you to show it. That things get better once the others find out. I'm holding you onto that, they're gonna find out eventually, so might as well tell them,"

Ritsu nodded as Karma went back to his seat. Ritsu sighed as she walked back. (You say that but it's clear you aren't ready)

"If any of you have any triggers or need to be away, please leave when you start feeling anxious," Ritsu said. She looked pointedly at Karma, who kept his eyes on the screen. He shook off the stares he felt and kept a smile on his face.

Ritsu pressed play.

The music starts and, the screen showed 'Karma Needs Help.' which obviously raised questions, but they kept watching. Then the cliff scene appeared before moving to Karma on his bed as the lyrics start. The bedroom was mostly clean, except for the bedsheets which half-covered Karma.

I wake up in the mornings

Sinking halfway to the bottom

There's a loud distorted screaming in my soul

There was a close up to Karma's face. He looked panicky but smiled, his smile was strange. Nagisa looked at Karma worriedly, as did most of E class. Karma stared blankly at the screen. He still had that fixed, robotic smile.

Everything is dark and empty

And I don't know how to fix it

So I curl up in a ball

And cry in the comfort of my home

S. Karma (Screen Karma) rolled on his side and curled up in a fetal position. His eyes opened and were glistening from unfallen tears. They fell once his eyes closed.

"Karma, dude, are you ok?" Sugino was worried. Karma turned to him and nodded. He still had that strange look on his face.

Koro-sensei was tense. (Please tell me he's ok. I won't let my students suffer)

Kensaku was also tense, but I don't care about this asshole, so he will be mentioned later on.

I don't know why

I feel like shit

I say I'm fine, but I'm not fine

S. Karma was seen getting up from the bed and, answering Nagisa's texts.

Nagisa: Hey, Karma! Are you ok? The class is gonna start in 30 minutes, and you know Koro-sensei doesn't like tardies.

Karma: I'm fine. Just woke up. Will be there soon.

Nagisa: Ok :)

Nagisa's shoulders hunched as he kept his gaze on the screen.

I'm dying inside

And all I see are demons

I try to hide

All my deepest feelings

S. Karma was walking up the mountain with S. Nagisa. S. Nagisa said something while S. Karma laughed.

Nagisa felt a small grin graced his face at the memory. But, he also frowned soon after at the implication that Karma hides how he feels.

Asano was upset. If anyone asked if he was worried, he would deny it. But he is. (I can't have a proper rivalry if my rival is in pain)

Author: I'm a multishipper for Karmagisa and Karushuu, y'all can see it as romantic or platonic for either.

I'm dying inside

And all I see are demons

I try to hide all my deepest feelings

In a small gap, S. Karma said, "Let's try assassinating Koro-sensei today!" with a smile as the classroom was shown and the next lyrics began.

Hazama frowned, and her brows furrowed. The Terasquad looked at her with worry before averting their attention back to the screen.

I think there's something wrong with me

'Cause all I see is death

During the death line, the students in the classroom were shown hanging from nooses for a split second. Then it changed to S. Nagisa looking worriedly at S. Karma, who flinched but quickly hid it.

"Hold on, PAUSE!" Shindo yelled.

Ritsu sighed in mild annoyance, "I know, you don't have to shout at me," Shindo quickly apologized before he turned to Karma. "What was that?!" He was met with silence.

"A-are you ok-k...?" Okuda asked. She was also met with silence. After a pause, Karma responded, "I'm fine," He sounded disconnected from his body. Asano spoke up, "It's clear you aren't,"

"Aww, is Asano-chan worried about me?" Karma said cheekily.

Asano growled. The A-class sensei thought he needed to stop a fight, but what Asano said caught him off guard.

"As a matter of fact, I AM WORRIED! You hide your emotions even more than I do! You use gallows humor as a shield, but to what extent? The video said 'Karma Needs Help' and it's obvious you need to talk to someone about all this!" That surprised Karma. It surprised everyone that Asano yelled.

Ren tried to clam him down, and he did calm down.

"I agree with Asano, this isn't healthy," Nagisa threw his 2 cents in.

"...oh," was all Karma could say. "Not...yet, but I'll think about it," Asano nodded at Karma's awkward agreement. Koro-sensei felt somewhat relieved that Karma is willing to seek help, along with Tadaomi and Irina.

Every time I go outside

I look like I've been doing Japanese

We see a close up of S. Karma's face, mainly his eyes. There were slight eyebags under them as the screen switched to him sleeping in class.

"Japanese?" Seo asked. "It's my worst subject," Karma said quietly. But with the silence among the crowd, it was heard clearly.

And I sleep for nineteen hours on a Thursday morning class.

S. Koro-sensei was shown waking up and slightly scolding S. Karma, who waved a hand at him while using the other to scratch his neck before looking at his book to write down notes. He still had that smile.

Koro-sensei felt guilt claw at him. (Poor kid was probably tired, but I must've thought he was lazy. I'll have to keep a closer eye from now on)

The scene changed to S. Karma locked in a bathroom stall. His hands had blood on then as his nose bled.

And every now and then I get nosebleeds

And I don't know what to do

We see S. Karma half-hazardly wipe his nose with a tissue.

"What the fucking hell!?" Teraseka exclaimed.

Karma shrugged. "It happens sometimes, not a big deal,"

Machida said, "Most people get nosebleeds out of stress...it happened to me too, before exams,"

Some girl (I think her name was Tsukiya or something) stood up and went to the restroom with her friend.

Karasuma was shaken but kept his composure. (How is this kid on top of the class in both PE and studies? He's barely holding on to dear life!)

Irina laid a hand on his shoulder. Karasuma turned to look at her as she mouthed something to him. 'We gotta do something to help.'

Karasuma couldn't agree more.

The scene once again changed to S. Karma leaning against a tree. It was a tree by the cliff, but not the tree that is sideways on the cliff. He's a good 10 meters away from it.

I don't know why

I feel like shit

I will not see a therapist

"Please see a therapist!" Class-E yelled at Karma, his eyes are even more bleary.

Kensaku grimaced. (What's with that kid? He's a sadistic freak, isn't he? A goddamn psychopath! So he's a little suicidal, but it can't be that bad, right?!)

S. Karma suddenly looked happier.

Author: Fake, obviously.

Ladies and gentlemen,

If you wanna fucking kill yourself

Put your fucking hands up (yeah!),

Razor blades in the air, everybody! (yeah!)

(WTF!?) went through everyone's head as Karma chuckled at the screen. Nagisa is terrified as he realized why Karma was so calm when he fell off the cliff. Koro-sensei didn't have it in him to say anything about the swear words.

A few students like Hazama, Machida, and others slowly rose their hands up. This made Etsuki-sensei whimper a little. Karasuma lost a little composure and let his eyes widen.

(*Coughing*)

Ay, oh, ay, oh, ay, ay, ay, ay, ay, help, help, help, help, help, help, HELP!

There were memories that E-class made where S. Karma was happy on the outside but hurting on the inside. And as it went to the help part, it showed S. Karma getting swallowed by the darkness.

(Poor kid, I'm definitely softening up.) Irina thought as she felt a wave of empathy. She was mildly suicidal before she met Lovro. (I'm...terrible with kids, but...I think the little twerp would like some of my coping mechanisms. I stopped many years ago, but the sure helped me out when I was around his age.)

I'm dying inside

And all I see are demons

I try to hide all my deepest feelings

We see S. Karma get up from the tree and make his way home. The disconnected smile disappears, and he frowns.

I'm dying inside

And all I see are demons

I try to hide all my deepest feelings

S. Karma sat against the bottom of his bed, on the floor. He finally broke down and sobbed into his knees before the screen turned black.

And that's that. Next comes part 2.

[yakumtsaki]

I taste just like ice cream, bitch I am so icy, heart cold like an ice queen, that's why they don't like me 🎵

-What the hell was that.

Traditionally I start Union updates with semi-relevant song lyrics.

-Why did you start an update at all.

Because it’s time, Shajar! I took a holy oath in my 2020 simming goals post to update Unions once a month, and I’m already a month late.

-But nothing interesting is happening. 

That’s never stopped me before. Now listen to Rico Nasty, cry some more about Sophie blowing you off, and shut up.

-Ugh please, I couldn’t be more over Sonia if I tried. I hardly ever texted her links to wedding pinterest boards and quizzes to determine if our parenting styles are compatible. 

Did she ever reply? 

-She did once and said ‘who dis’. Of course the letters unscrambled spell out ‘do wish’, meaning she did wish me to keep messaging her. I just don’t know where it all went wrong. 

-Hey there, 17 year old girl, maybe you’ve had enough neat whiskey for the night? We’re actually running out of bottles. 

-Beat it, ponytail, I need to dull my pain. I’ve just been stabbed right in the gut by the love of my life. Just like my style idol and general role model, space opera fascist Kylo Ren.

Shaj I really hate seeing you like this, and not just because the red neon light is super unflattering on your complexion.

-You can fuck right off too, I was perfectly happy with my dads who hate me and my imbecile sister and my brother who might as well not exist, noogie-ing people all day AND night long, but you had to be all ‘OMG IT’S SOPHIE MIGUEL SHAJAR GO TALK TO HER’. Life-ruining-moron. 

But I was totally right about you two hitting it off, I mean look how sad you are now that she dumped- yea never mind, that’s not a good argument.

-Look what I can do even though I’ve had 46 whiskeys!! How you like me now, Sophie???

-You’re paying for all these broken glasses, I’m going to need your name and a credit card.

-Yes, fair enough, my name is Cyneswith Union-

-I LOOK GOOD ENOUGH TO EAT

Yea, you really should eat something to soak up all the alcohol. And not to kick you when you’re down, but you should also disregard all those cliches about ~a smile being the most beautiful thing you can wear~ because MAN. Watch out Joaquin, there’s a new Joker on the prowl. 

-So.. 20 lobsters thermidor and our most expensive appetizers?

-Aha.

-Would you mind settling your bill now?

-Of course not! My name is Cyneswith Union and this is the credit card my parents got me when I was 6 because we’re super duper best friends! I love my parents! They don’t care about their other daughter at all, even when their other daughter is going through a really hard time because she got the emotional equivalent of a lightsaber wound in the gut. You know what, let me also get 20 bottles of your most overpriced champagne to go with the lobsters.

Feeling better?

-Well it’s hard to feel bad when you’re spending your parents’ money recklessly and with malice aforethought.

It sure is. Alright well, the sun is coming up, maybe we should head home.

-What’s the rush? What is going to happen if I don’t go home, my parents will get worried? LOL

God your life sucks. Ok let’s hit a couple more places.

-Greetings. Welcome to our establishment. I am a human employee from this planet.

Great, nice to meet you.

-I just want there to be no doubt that I am indeed an earthling, born and raised under the earth’s exosphere and not above it.

Leave us alone.

-And I’m the resident community lot sim with that one face template you hate! There must be one of us on every lot you visit!

-And I am here in my revealing outfit to use the dance sphere and make everyone uncomfortable!

You’re actually pretty, I need to keep you in mind for after Don Oates takes a wrecking ball to our genetics, but yea, let’s bounce, Shajar.

Time to visit the happiest place on earth, Deh'Javu Modern Art Museum, home to my favorite piece of art in any medium, The Toilet of Fire. Shove that Fountain up your ass, Duchamp. How we feeling, Shaj?

-This trash can reminds of Sophie :( She used to go around town throwing money she stole from charities in trash cans and then send them riddles for where to find them :(

Enough with Sophie, we’ll find you someone better! Like..

..your aunt! Get the hell out of here Brit Brit, you’re taking up townie space. 

-I won’t be long, Gunther’s amazing close-up portrait of my hair was rejected by the museum so I’m here to set this shithole on fire. 

In other words Gunther just painted a canvas black and called it a day?

-His art doesn’t cater to plebs. Yes, offense.

Our old friend Ugly Teen Townie is here so finally we can have some fun. Shajar had gone almost 12 hours(!) without noogieing someone and I was starting to worry for her health.

-Yes, yes, I’m starting to feel like myself again..

Good for you, Shaj!

-Hope you’ve made peace with your God, Ugly Teen Townie, this water balloon is filled with horse feces! 

-WHERE DID YOU EVEN GET HORSE SHIT

-I ordered it from some guy named Leod McGreggor.

-How about a another joke, MuRRAY?

-What?!

-Now you say, ‘no, I think we’ve had enough of your jokes’. Say it!

-No, I think we’ve had enough of your jokes.

-What do you get when you cross a mentally-ill loner with a society that abandons him and treats him like trash? Now you say ‘call the police, Gene!’

-Call the police, Gene!

-I'll tell you what you get..

-YOU GET WHAT YOU FUCKING DESERVE. HAHA oh man! Good stuff. 

Alright I’m starting to feel bad for Ugly Teen Townie, first he had to come to all the toddler birthday parties during the Victoria/Komei era and now this, he has suffered enough at this family’s hands. Time to go home, Shaj.

-Not so fast!

Wow, the Countess and Mrs. Crumplebottom on the same lot, top 10 anime crossovers.

-I have been sent here by the Limp Dick Vamps United organization to recruit Shajar Union.

Ugh you people are still around? Haven’t heard of you losers since the Count wouldn’t let Victoria bang him, which I’m still annoyed about. 

-Indeed we are, and it’s clear Shajar is ready to join us, dedicating her life to evil deeds without romantic distractions. I have no idea what Crumplebottom is doing here.

-I’m here to recruit Shajar to my own organization, Bitter Sims Worldwide Alliance. We’re always on the lookout for new members who want to spread their misery to their fellow Sim. 

It sounds like it’d be more effective if you guys just merged your organizations.

-I will NEVER merge my organization with someone who displays her bosom like a common whore. 

-Eat a dick, Crumplebottom!

-MAKE ME, FANGTOOTH

-Alright here I am, what the fuck do you want?

-Shajar, it is a pleasure to meet you! Ardent admirer of your work.

-What work, freakshow?

-Torturing everyone around you, what else!

-What? I don’t torture people around me, if anything they torture me.

-Why don’t you talk to me about it?

-I’d rather not, you look like a bejeweled snowman.

-Look deep into my eyes, Shajar..

-And now look deep into my razor sharp teeth..

-Ugh fine, let’s talk. 

-Is that Victoria and Komei’s teen granddaughter hanging out with a vampire?

Yes it is Kennedy, keep it moving.

-God, wtf is wrong with this family. 

Nothing now that you’ve been removed from our social circle, go away! Just kidding, you’re an icon and I’m marrying you in at some point. 

-Hard pass. 

Your loss, hombre. 

-It definitely isn’t.

-If I had known your turn on was vampires I would had set you two up!

STOP SETTING UP TEENS WITH ADULTS, LAKSHMI. And Shajar’s turn ons isn’t vampires, it’s fitness/fatness. Body positive queen. 

-Well, Shajar, you alphabetically listing all the people who have wronged you while I was trying to kill Crumplebottom telepathically has made for a very productive conversation. We’ll be in touch. 

-Thanks, Countess, it’s been real.

Shajar!!! Who cares about Sophie when you might bag a hot, rich vamp??

-Meh.

I’m gonna need you to be more excited about this prospect because a vampire spouse might just be enough of a draw to beat the comedic factor of fucking Don Oates turning us into an unintentional uglacy and I’m doing whatever I can to avoid my fate.

Ugh.

UGH

UGHHHHHHH

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOO VICTORIA

-GET FUCKED, BROKEN FACED WEIRDO

God I miss you Vic 💔

-Donnie-bear, not to be not-nice, but mopping your pee off my front lawn is not exactly what I pictured doing during this date.

This guy won’t even mop up his own piss, what a catch.

Wow, manipulative much?? You are a piss piece of work, Donaldo.

-Don’t think we forgot about you, you 10-nice-point disgrace!

-VICTOR NO

-GET THAT MOP READY

-Finally, some peace and quiet.. Just me, alone with my broken heart, pondering my hopeless, loveless future..

-💗💗💗OMG SIS THERE YOU ARE. DONNIE AND I MADE OUT!!! 💗💗💗 But then grandma’s ghost scared him into soiling himself. 

-Good for grandma, hopefully next time she gives him a stroke. Now shut up and let’s eat in silence while I ponder my hopeless, loveless future.

-Okie dokie! 💗💗💗

-Um, I think mine has vomit in it.

-Yea I did that, but it’s just whiskey and lobster, if anything it increased in value. 

-Awww thanks sis! 💗💗💗

-Stop patronizing me, you little bitch. God I want to poke your eye out with this chopstick so badly.

-I love you too Shaj! 💗💗💗

And I hate both of you. Where’s your brother, I haven’t paid attention to him in 3 days. 

-He went upstairs, I think he’s pusshurt we forgot his birthday LOL

IT’S HIS BIRTHDAY????

-Don’t feel bad, I forgot it too! 💗💗💗

GODDAMMIT. WULF! WULF WHERE ARE YOU

-I’m here, I just grew up and dare I say it could not have gone better! 

Really?? Finally some good news! Let me look upon you-

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

AHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA

WULF WHAT THE FUCK

-I was Mozart musical genius boy but now I’m a sk8ter boi! Character development!

Ok this is the most iconic birthday look since Gunther grew up in the pirate costume, we’re obviously keeping it. 

-Great! And as if the fact I’m a Wyatt face template with 0 Jojo genes wasn’t enough to make me unelectable, I also rolled family! :D I’m doing everything I can to ensure I live that sweet motherlode spare life! 

Honestly you should had picked another outfit cause now that you’re dressed like this I unironically want you to win. Hoisted with your own petard.

[fictionsthings]

Anakin for the character meme?

First of all: *insert incoherent screeching*

Second: This is a lot and I apologize (especially if it doesn't make sense.)

How I feel about this character: Ok, I have a lot of feelings about Ani and they're not all coherent so bear with me. I love him so much but he makes me so sad. Anakin is such a tragic character. So much shit happens to him.

Age 9: Freed from slavery (which is good) and taken from his mother, who is still enslaved (not good AT ALL). He is thrust into a new environment with a bunch of strangers, the majority of whom are hostile towards him. (*coughTheJediCouncilcough*)(HE'S NINE, YOU ASSHOLES! OF COURSE HE'S GOING TO BE SCARED!)

Little Ani is so brave. I never would have been able to leave everything and everyone I cared about, even if my mom wanted me to, even if it meant a better future for me. Not to mention that he literally goes in to battle THE NEXT DAY and NO ONE SAYS ANYTHING!

Age 19: Has nightmares about his mother's death which eventually come true when she dies in his arms, and then kills every Tusken Raider he deems responsible for her death (and not just the men. But the women- and the children too.) He then loses his hand to Count Dooku the next day.

Since my grandfather died this year, I find myself tearing up when Shmi dies. Sure, my grandpa and I weren't super close, but I still loved him very much and for weeks after his death, I could hardly bring myself to do anything. I can only imagine what it must have been like to lose a mother and then have to hide the fact that you were even grieving from the majority of the people in your life.

Age 22-23: Has nightmares of Padme dying in childbirth and becomes reasonably terrified of losing her and their child(ren). He goes to Yoda for advice, but unfortunately, Yoda's advice is shit and doesn't help him at all in any way, shape or form. Palpatine uses Anakin's fear to manipulate him and make him come over to the Dark Side, making Anakin think that it's the only way to save Padme, only for Ani to lose everything he ever loved instead. When Anakin first woke up in the Darth Vader suit, one of the first things he asks is "Where is Padme? Is she safe?" When Palpatine said that Padme was dead, Anakin literally destroys almost every thing in the Medcenter in his grief. Palpatine then relied on Anakin's attachments to ensure that he would remain Palpatine's slave apprentice because Palpatine was the only thing Anakin had left. Not only that, but Anakin felt that he was too far gone to redeem himself. (Note that it was Luke's belief in what goodness Anakin had left that helped him return to the Light. More on that later.)(I fucking hate Palpatine. He has literally been manipulating Anakin since he met the kid on Naboo.)

I would like to say that the majority of people I've seen/talked too agree that it was Palpatine who killed Padme. Anakin was supposed to die on that beach on Mustafar. Palpatine wanted Anakin's power leashed to him, so Palpatine saved him by using Padme's life force. It makes sense. Palpatine has known Padme for years. He mentored her in politics. He knows her, and so it would be easy to identify her in the Force and then steal her life, even easier if she is already weakened from emotional (Anakin's fall and use of the Force on her) and physical stress (her pregnancy and labor). The parallels between Anakin's "repairs" and revival and Padme's childbirth and death make it subtle but obvious all at once. (I also want to punch Palpatine's damn teeth in for smiling at Anakin's pain.)

I'm also half convinced that Palpatine planted those nightmares of Padme in Anakin's mind to draw him closer to the Dark Side.

Age 41-42: Finally kills Obi-wan Kenobi and feels so lonely (and maybe sad, I'm not sure) that Yoda can feel his pain all the way from Dagobah and Yoda feels sorry for him. (I would also like to note that Anakin knew to be off the Death Star in ANH because he had a Force Vision and decided not to tell anyone else because everyone else sucked and you can't change my mind.)

If you- a Dark Lord of the Sith- can make Yoda- Grandmaster of the Jedi Order- feel bad for you, then goddamn you must feel awful. (I'm feeling even more sad, wtf? I didn't realize it was possible)

Age 44-45: Finds out that he has a son and that Palpatine lied to him for literally half his life. Think about that. He has spent approximately 22 to 23 years as Darth Vader and he had a son out there. Literally, nothing is more important to Anakin than Family. He is angry that Luke was kept from him and he is vengeful. (In the Darth Vader comics, he goes to the Lars Homestead to punish the people who "stole" Luke, only to find out that they're already dead.) He singlemindedly searches for Luke for years, and then he finally gets to him on Bespin (after he hurt his son's close good friends.) There's the fight, then he literally cuts off his son's hand and THEN he tells Luke that he is his father. (Anakin, I love you, but you have pretty bad timing.) Then Luke literally chooses to fall, choosing the possibility of death over taking his father's hand.

Even if you're a Sith Lord, that has to hurt. Note that Anakin only made the offer to take down the Emporer and rule the galaxy as father and son once. Luke rejected him (which, I'll admit- perfectly reasonable) and I'm not sure why Ani rejected Luke when Luke pretty much offered the same thing in ROTJ, but something happened and I need to find out what. I may tear my heart out in the process, but it's whatever.

Age 46: Emperor Raisin Face keeps on saying that Luke will either join them or die (which granted, Anakin said in ESB, but still) and so Anakin is reasonably desperate to get Luke over to the Dark Side so he doesn't die. Anakin senses Luke going to the Forest Moon of Endor and decides to pop down for a visit when the Emperor says that Luke will go to him. Luke does indeed go to Anakin, and immediately tries to appeal to Anakin's goodness, to his paternal side. Anakin tries to deny him, says that the name Anakin Skywalker "no longer has any meaning" to him and that "I must obey my master" and continues to deliver his own son to the Emperor. During their fight in the throne room, Anakin finds out that he not only has ONE child, but TWO. He then makes the happy mistake of trying to provoke Luke into fighting him. It works and Anakin loses his hand again. And just when he thinks that Luke might kill him, with the Emperor egging him on, Luke tosses his saber away, rejecting the Emperor and saying, "I am a Jedi, like my father before me." When the Emperor attacks Luke with the Force Lightning and Anakin literally crawls back to the Emporer's side, Anakin eventually answers Luke's calls for help and tosses the Emporer down a chasm. Anakin dies just before Luke can get him off the Death Star and after telling telling that he (Luke) was right about him (Anakin) and that Luke already saved him.

Can I just say that the "I must obey my master" line breaks my heart? Because it absolutely shatters it. As I've gotten older and understood more as I've watched these movies, I have cried at this scene and I will cry when I watch it again. That is not just a threat, it is a promise. It breaks my heart. He sounds so defeated. And I always feel so relieved and happy when he comes back to the light.

Moral of the story is: I want to give him a hug and officially adopt him as my son. (Real talk though, if I met him in real life, I would just do my best to not piss him off.)

All the people I ship romantically with this character:

- Padme

That's it.

My non-romantic OTP for this character: I have many.

- Obi-wan and Anakin

- Ashoka and Anakin (I have yet to see Clone Wars but I've seen a lot of fan content)

- Captain Rex and Anakin (I have yet to see Clone Wars but I've seen a lot of fan content)

- Luke and Anakin

My unpopular opinion about this character:

I'm not sure if this counts as an unpopular opinion, but if you didn't notice, I don't call Anakin by Darth Vader in this and that is because he was always Anakin Skywalker, he was just in denial. Also, it doesn't feel right for me to call him Darth Vader. I used to clarify if I meant Vader or Anakin, but at this point it's just... Why seperate the two? They are the same person. I call the suit "Darth Vader", yes, but honestly it's just to clarify when I'm talking about in ROTS because Anakin is "Darth Vader" both in and out of the suit in that movie.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that Anakin can't go back to being the man he was, but he never stopped being Anakin. He changed, yes, drastically even. He went by a different name, yes. But he was still Anakin Skywalker. It just took him awhile to figure that out. (Hence why he wasn't in the Darth Vader suit as a Force Ghost)

One thing I wish would happened / had happened with this character in canon:

I wish that he and Leia had been able to make some sort of peace. Leia doesn't have to forgive him, Force knows she has every right not to, but it would've been nice if she could have made peace with her parentage in canon.

I actually read a fic like that here on tumblr recently. I'll have to see if I can find it for y'all.

Found it! -> x <-

[hail-the-supreme-leader-kylo-ren]

**TROS SPOILER WARNING** I saw it and ... 💔💔💔

Well after waiting 2 years, I finally saw The Rise of Skywalker and wow I’m devastated, confused, and angry. The worst thing that they could’ve possibly done they did. They killed Ben Solo Skywalker. I don’t know why screen writers today do this bullshit “bittersweet romance” thing where the two lovers finally have each other, only for one to die when it’s not necessary?!? It’s so cruel. The way the entire ending played out after they killed him, was like the knife they’d stabbed me with was being twisted. I can’t stop crying.

Rey defeated Palpatine, Ben pulled himself out of the pit (lol yes), cradle Rey is his arms lovingly, decided to try to Force heal her (I always had a feeling Ben would bring Rey back to life, because Anakin could never save Padme). Rey is alive again she says “Ben”, caresses him, they kiss, he smiles, REYLO IS CANON, and then shock twist he slumps and then instantly fades away. He’s dead.

LIKE WHAT THE ACTUALLY FUCK IS THAT JJ???? The final Skywalker, the one you’ve been building up as a tragically misunderstood, abuse victim dies sacrificing his life for Rey’s. Han, Luke and Leia all died and hoped that Ben would return to the light. And yeah sure he did, but I would’ve thought that his family would have wanted him to return to the light and LIVE out the rest of his days happily. Doesn’t he deserve that??

There’s so many confusing aspects to this, like A) why did he become “redeemed” then die sacrificing himself just like Vader? I thought that was the problem with the OT and why we have the ST... being that Vader died too soon and didn’t complete the full redemption journey and return to that innocent happy boy he once was and teach his story to others? B) does Rey love Ben? Because the whole movie was framed like she did. But the second he died, I don’t think she called out or even cried???? She goes back to the Resistance and is happy and hugs Finn and Poe. UGH THE “TRIO”. Isn’t she devastated she’s lost her love Ben? And then when she goes back to Tatooine, she sees Force ghost Leia and Luke but no Ben??!???!? A final slap in the face. C) since Ben and Rey were a “Dyad” and were one through the Force, I feel like they should’ve been able to both easily live??? Why bother making them Dyad if it ain’t going to serve the story at all? Is it supposed to just be a cop out and explain the Force Bonds? It’s all so infuriating.

They only reason I can think of why they’d kill Ben Solo is because they wanted to close the loophole of the “Skywalkers” so that they didn’t fuck anything up with the Force’s balance again. But even then that’s seems like a very thin idea, because Rey still exists and she’s a “Palpatine” and is uber powerful? How exactly was the Force finally brought into balance through this movie? Palpatine was defeated and the Palpatine bloodline/legacy “redeemed”? It doesn’t make much sense. GAH I would’ve preferred both Ben and Rey die, since their equals, why would one live and not the other?

They only reason I can think of why they’d kill Ben Solo is because they wanted to close the loophole of the “Skywalkers” so that they didn’t fuck anything up with the Force’s balance again. But even then that’s seems like a very thin idea, because Rey still exists and she’s a “Palpatine” and is uber powerful? How exactly was the Force finally brought into balance through this movie? Palpatine was defeated and the Palpatine bloodline/legacy “redeemed”? It doesn’t make much sense. GAH I would’ve preferred both Ben and Rey die, since their equals, why would one live and not the other?

To be honest, I was enjoying the film for the first half. It opened with Kylo/Ben so that’s a great. And the Force Bond scenes with Kylo/Ben and Rey screaaaaamed Reylo love. But so many of the leaks were right, it was becoming quite comical. And looking back of the film now it was all very clunky and had a lot of convoluted stuff in there that was so illogical and didn’t really serve a strong purpose to the narrative or any character development. When the watery Death Star scene went down, it seemed like (trope wise) that this would be the moment the Reylo kiss happens, but the dialogue wasn’t right it wasn’t angsty. And I thought, “oh no Reylo is not happening”. But then Bendemption happened and I was okay again. And by the time Rey went to confront Palpatine, I’d realised Ben really hasn’t been given enough screen time in this film, he wasn’t going to be the “hero” in this finally showdown, this was very firmly Rey’s story/saga. Which seemed odd, because they’re equals “dual protagonists”??! As Rey defeated Palpatine I was confused as to what the hell, because there was an obvious emphasis on all the Force ghosts telling HER alone to “Rise”, including Anakin. This was deeeply concerning because what about his own grandson Ben Solo??? At this point I didn’t know what was going to happen with Ben. But then like I said before he pulled himself out of the “pit”, very romantically came back for her and saved her and then just D I E D like it was nothing. I repeat W T F.

Now here’s all the other stuff I didn’t like about the film: - There was zero character development, except for Ben finally turning to the light and then he DIED - SNOKE WAS A PALPATINE CLONE???????? WTF JJ ARE YOU SMOKING CRACK? This was an early red flag that I should have heeded. I feel like all the fanboys finally feel satisfied with knowing Snoke’s backstory. - Where the fuck was Rose? Why didn’t she say like 3 words and get .5 screen time? that was some bulllllllllsshit. Why was she introduced in TLJ just to be sidelined? - Why the FUCK did they bother to make Finn Force sensitive? They hinted at it, and he never even got to tell anyone. It didn’t serve the story at all?!?!? Such a waste of time - Poe got to have a romantic happy ending with Zorri, while Reylo did not. - The C-P30 memory wipe had no lasting consequences, R2-D2 restored him in like 2 hrs? This screentime could’ve been used for Ben. All of Kijimi could’ve been scrapped to be honest. - The Knights of Ren were extremely useless, you could’ve swapped them for stormtroopers and it wouldn’t have made a different. Very disappointing. - Jannah was also useless, this screentime and scripttime could’ve been used for Rose. Her stormtroopers rebellion story was so heavy handed and terribly done. - Same goes for Dominic’s character, why did he exist? - Lando being back was also under-utilised, he had history with Ben why didn’t they use that? - Sooo many of the terrible leaks were true: the necklace grab, Luke/Leia training, Hux being a mole which was confusing and then he just died, Rey thinking she killed Chewie, the Sith dagger and C-3PO blah blah, Ben falling into “a pit” lol, the film finishing with Rey going to Tattooine and saying “I’m Rey, Rey Skywalker.” As soon as I saw Tatooine, I wanted to vomit because I knew that horrible horrible line was coming. - It wasn’t explained as to why Kylo remade his mask - Ben and Rey didn’t say I love you. And tbh, it’s probably good then didn’t since JJ killed Ben. - The finally “war” was very underwhelming and took place on one star destroyer - I was really hoping for some awesome Force Bond “world between worlds” jumping location stuff, and/or awesome new Reylo powers (but it was just healing)... so this was underwhelming. - I don’t know why Ben didn’t kill Palpatine instantly, opening scene? - They really emphasised babies and children on Pasaana with Rey, so I thought this was obvious foreshadowed of her and Ben’s future.... but no. - Pyrde wasn’t that interesting of a character, well acted but one-dimensional. - I really really hated Rey being a Palpatine. It makes no sense? I loved her being a no body and getting her powers from herself. What about her father, Palpatine’s son?? Did Palpatine try to get his son to kill him as well??? It’s so illogical. Also if everyone has to be if legacy blood, does this mean that Finn is a Konobi?! HAHAHA. I also hate how they added the fact that Leia and Luke “knew” she was a Palps all along. BAHAHAHAHA. Terrible. - Palptine wanted Rey to kill him, so he could live through her as a vessel. But then he Palpatine took Rey’s and Ben’s life essence, but they didn’t die? But he was back to his 100%. Then Rey killed Palps with the power of “all the Jedi”, and somehow Palpatine died? I thought he was going to go into her if she killed him? Or is the clause that she has to be angry and kill him with hatred? Boyyyyyyyyyy it’s so stupid. I can’t even.

Here’s the stuff I did like: - The Reylo kiss and Ben’s smile. - Ben offering his hand to Rey again, and all their Force Bonds of them trying to one-up each other with how well they know each other’s fears etc. - Him crushing the Sith wayfinding was hawwwwt. He was like if you’re going there, you’re gonna have to go with me. (Also leaves open a plothole of how the fuck did Ben navigate his way there in the finale) - Rey not killing the snake but healing it, yeah it was really odd but I don’t like how previous Jedi always slaughter animals so this was a plus for me. - Ben Solo in his “redeemed” outfit, he looked soo fine, and it reminded me of Han too which was sweet. - Leia’s death being the prompt to finally turning Ben back to the light. Finally a mother she did something right, looool. - I thought it was weird for Star Wars, but I did like Han being back as a memory, to talk with Ben. And the “Dad....” “I know” killed me. I knew they needed to resolve the one evil deed Ben performed, so this worked fine. - I loved Rey mediating with the rocks at the start of the film, and I loved her and Ben’s prequelsque Force jumping. - I loved that Jodie Comer was Rey’s mum!!!!! (I love Jodie) - I did like how the Luke’s water sunken X-wing from TLJ was used in this film, it was predictable but satisfying somehow. - There was so much FinnPoe tension through the film like Poe was jealous of Rey, it was hilarious. - I liked the queer kiss, even though it wasn’t much.

So there that’s everything I needed to say. I would’ve been sad and confused if Reylo didn’t happen, (because they’d set it up for 2 films), but I’m devastated that they killed Ben. Bendemption isn’t truely complete if he doesn’t get to live. I know he means so much to people, people who connected with him/who faced similar trauma as him. I know they’ll be a devastated as I am and that is what makes it so much worst. I saw someone say on Twitter a few weeks ago that it’s be horrible for Ben to die, who had suffered so much only for Rey to take the name of “Skywalker”, basically stealing his identity.

And yeah that’s exactly what happened. Ben deserved better, the fans deserved better, and the Reylo’s deserved better. 💔💔💔💔💔💔 In a few hours I’m seeing it again with my family this time, and I really don’t want want to rewatch it.... isn’t that horrible.

[dyadsaber]

A New Reylo Shipper Reads the TFA Novelization Part 3: In which I Have Squishy Feelings About Rey Being Taken Care Of, and The Dyad Meeting Each Other Makes Me Capslock a Lot

One of the fun things about reading this novel was discovering all of the little differences that hadn’t been all over tumblr.  Not that I minded being spoiled.  All of those “I should be afraid of YOU” snarky Kylo Ren gifsets brought me great joy.  But you know what I didn’t know going in? That Unkar Plutt was supposed to catch up with Rey at Maz’s place, and when he’s about to turn her over to the first order, Chewie shows up and RIPS HIS ARMS OFF.  

I get that they likely cut it for time, but it was just really a gratifying scene to read, and I am 100% here for Rey being witness to the fact that there are people in her corner who will rip the arms off of those who would use her and hurt her.  

And then we get to the scene where Rey finds the legacy lightsaber and OH BOY. 

So Finn just decided to leave for “as far away from the First Order as one can get,” and here’s Rey’s PoV:

“Under the weight of her loneliness Han’s voice seemed to fade, and Maz Kanata’s as well, until there was nothing surrounding her but a silence as deep and profound as the distant reaches of space itself. Then something came, stealthy and unidentifiable, to fill it.” 

Part of this is her own individual connection to the Force , but reading backwards, part of this could definitely be her connection to Ben through their dyad bond, because she isn’t alone, neither of them are, even if they don’t know it yet.  They always had each other, and no, I didn’t cry a lot at those panels of young Rey from The Rise of Kylo Ren, WHY ARE YOU ASKING??? 

And then, in the MIDDLE of the flurry of things she sees/hears, THIS HAPPENS…

“Someone, somewhere, somewhen, spoke her name.  “Hello? Wreathed in the irrationality of the moment, she called hopefully, but received no answer. A boy appeared at the end of the hallway.”

It was in this moment that I screamed at my kindle, in my best Kylo voice, “WHAT BOY???” No really did she see a much younger version of Ben here? My personal answer from now on is YES SHE DID.   

I remember a whole lot of talk a couple of months ago about the following two “I’ll come back for you”  lines, and about JJ Abrams confirming who said them, but all I can find now is speculation from before TRoS came out, and that is NOT HELPING ME REMEMBER. If you have a link to the article/interview where Abrams or anyone else clarifies this, please @ me. 

She’s seeing Starkiller from the future, here, and I think that’s telling.  Because after describing all of the noise of battle, we get…

“Then behind her, another voice. That voice. “Stay here. I’ll come back for you.”

“That” is actually italicized in the text, which means that it’s a voice Rey hears enough to recognize and give importance to it, but WHOSE VOICE? I mean I know that it was left vague intentionally here because ADF didn’t know whose voice it was supposed to be, and neither did anyone else, but the vagueness makes it COMPLETELY possible that this was Ben, and that she’s been hearing little fragments from him for years. This line, though, raises questions that I don’t think anyone at DLF thought about as hard as we are now, but the idea of this being WBW Ben telling her to wait for him because he’s trying to get back to her GIVES ME A LOT OF FEELINGS EVEN IF IT IS NEVER GOING TO BE CANON. (I’m from the school of “canon can go jump in a lava pit if it doesn’t respect the fans or the characters” so I’m an old hand at reimagining things shitty creators screwed up.) 

In between this scene and the one where dyad finally sees each other for the first time, we get: 

An incredibly frustrating tease of a line from Maz about how she acquired the lightsaber. I want a whole comic about how that thing fell into her hands. TAKE MY MONEY, DLF. 

Leia feeling the Hosnian system being destroyed, thinking about Alderaan, and making me very very upset in ways that aren’t fun to read or write about, so… 

On to the first meeting! Mostly, I got really sarcastic in my kindle notes at this point.

Rey sees Kylo Ren from a distance for the first time. 

“She had seen this man before, in a daydream. In a nightmare.”

...in the weird Force-induced version she just experienced not fifteen minutes ago… 

Also, what happened to Rey back at Maz’s place is NOT something I would describe as a daydream, which can only lead me to wonder about but having random “Wtf where did that come from” daydreams about Ben “I am in FULL KYLO COSTUME” Solo in the middle of scavenging a Star Destroyer, shrugging it off as her mind playing tricks on her, and going about her day.  Someone PLEASE draw this. (I know this is a reach and I’m nitpicking at less than awesome writing, but it’s day I don’t even know what of quarantine, and this is how I’m making my own fun.) 

And the first time he becomes aware of her… 

“Sir, we’re still searching for Solo, but the droid that’s wanted was spotted heading west, with a girl.” At this Ren said nothing, but instead looked sharply in the indicated direction.

“WhAT gIrL” - Kylo Ren at this point definitely 

“Each shot from her blaster he deflected with the lightsaber’s beam. Almost as if it were a game, she thought in terror as she continued to fire. He was playing with her.”

“Let's see what you can do, Scavenger”. - Kylo Ren playing with the dyad partner he doesn't know he has yet IN THE MIDDLE OF A BATTLE. Typical. 

“When he finally spoke, he sounded at once impressed and surprised.”

Ben Solo begins as he means to go on... She is constantly impressing and surprising him. 

“So afraid,” he murmured. “Yet I should be the one who should be scared. You shot first. You speak of the Order as if it were barbaric. And yet, it is I who was forced to defend myself against you.”

“Wow you’re SCARED?” he says, looming in black, waving his red lightsaber around, and using the Force to control her…

“Something.” He sounded mystified. “There is something…Who are you?”

She’s a Force user, what you’re feeling is your Force bond, and she's your other half, Kylo my guylo. Get it together, jeez… 

“Is it true, then? You’re nothing special after all? You’re just a—Jakku scavenger?”

Keep telling yourself that, KR - Love, Your Future Self

And then there’s this Rey PoV that breaks me a little… 

“She’d tried to keep her mind blank, her memory locked, and still he had wormed his way in. He touched her anew. This time the pain of trying to stave him off brought tears streaming down her face.”

I think Daisy gets this across in her performance her really well, but being reminded so starkly of the fact that what he’s doing when he roots around in her memories HURTS HER drew me up short when I read this.  I headcanon that this is one of the things Ben spends a lot of time apologizing for later because he feels so guilty about it. 

But before I can get too wrapped up in Ben Solo’s occasionally crushing guilt, we have THIS delicious dose of irony: (He’s talking about her affection for Finn, here…) 

He drew back slightly, bemused. “You’ve even begun to care for him. A weakness, such distractions.”

YOU HAVE NO IDEA, DO YOU, SIR… COME TALK TO ME WHEN YOU’RE CUTTING YOUR MENTOR IN HALF INSTEAD OF HURTING HER, OK?

And finally… just because the visual of this cracks me up… the novel implies that Kylo Ren let Rey DROP TO THE GROUND when he force-whammied her, instead of catching her like he does on screen.  My proof (this is PoV of some random First Order officer): 

At a gesture from Ren the young woman standing before him collapsed. [...] He had no wish to join the woman on the ground in a state of oblivion.

WHAT A CAD! Not CATCHING the woman you just made PASS OUT with the Force? Bad form, KR. (Movie Kylo is a gentleman and keeps her from hitting the floor. A++ “not as much of jerk as you could have been” moment.) 

And that seems like a good stopping place for Part 3.  Next time: I scream about Han and Leia’s characterization as parents and try to defend one of my oldest ships from the outright character assassination this novelization engages in.  Also, there’s some scene with Rey in an interrogation chair thingy and Kylo taking his mask off. I had some thoughts.  

[starwarsfangirl]

TRoS

My reaction and thoughts about the conclusion of the Skywalker Saga and TRoS.  If you haven’t seen it by now, and don’t want to know anything about the events in the movie, scroll on by.

Parts of it were brilliant. Parts of it was pure WTF.  

First, I have to say: Kylo/Ben’s hair throughout the entire movie... holy cow we are blessed by that man’s sexy hair! *Swoon*

I loved Poe’s, Rey’s, and Finn’s interactions throughout the movie.  Rey and Poe both getting their blood up about everything was fun to watch.  

I was confused at first about Finn seemingly becoming Force Sensitive out of nowhere, but as I thought about it between the first viewing on Thursday and second on Friday, and talking to my brilliant sister, it does make sense.  Snoke asked Kylo in TFA, “There’s been an awakening, have you felt it?”  It makes sense Finn and Jannah and her whole company of stormtroopers are Force Sensitive.  The kids had been stolen all over the galaxy wherever the First Order could take control and nab the kids.  They had been indoctrinated and brainwashed to follow orders without question.  They were taught to not even have compassion for weaker members of their squad or company.  So to throw all that brainwashing off and say, “No!” makes sense when Finn and Jannah talk about “it was a feeling.”  

So their Force Sensitivity was awakened, and Rey’s was shot out of a cannon so she could be the equal to Kylo Ren.

At the first viewing, I cried when Leia died.  I knew she would have to at sometime during the movie, but it was her last act to reach out in the Force to her son, to draw him back to the light.  I kept crying when Rey also felt her master’s death and healed Ben’s wound that she inflicted during his distraction. I was almost done crying when Han’s voice broke the silence and I started sobbing all over again. I don’t think the tears ever really stopped until I was in the car to go home.  And I’m not a crier, so to have tears flowing for that long is super unusual for me.

Luke’s scene felt like an apology to the angry fanboys of the Fandom Menace. The whole “a Jedi’s lightsaber deserves respect” all the way to the Force Ghost lifting the X-wing from the water.  I guess we’re just going to ignore that Luke had stripped panels off it for his hut.  We’re just going to pretend that water over YEARS has absolutely no effect whatsoever on wiring, electronics, metal.  Nope. It’s in perfect flying condition.  Zoom!

And that brings me to Rey and how they totally fucked her over just to appease those same angry fanboys that a mere girl had the audacity to be powerful enough to be Kylo’s equal.  The whole movie would still make sense without her being **A PALPATINE**.  Good grief, that’s like some bad fanfic (or typical online roleplay, which I used to do way back in the day).  Her power is not hers because the Force CHOSE HER because she’s good and always chooses to be good. And it’s a choice just like Harry Potter chose Gryffindor over Slytherin.  No, they made her powerful not because of her connection to one man BUT TWO! TWO MEN!  She and Kylo are a dyad in the Force, one soul living in two bodies!  That’s the only basis for her power.  JJ totally ignored everything he laid out in HIS FIRST MOVIE.  Seriously.  Just to PANDER to the angry fanboys.  

Where did all the Sith or Sith Acolytes come from to be there on Exegol?  Who built that massive fleet?  Where did Palps get the people to man them?  Surely there’s not that many Humans (and that’s what we saw onscreen, Humans, or Humanoids.  I didn’t see a single Final Order crewmember or Sith Trooper with a weird head shape or four arms) out in the Unknown Regions. People would notice. A Resurgent-class Star Destroyer featured a complement of 19,000 officers and 55,000 enlisted personnel. That’s a lot of freaking people.

If she was going to take a family name, which she didn’t need to do, she’s Rey, and that’s good enough, it should have been Solo.  

Rey loved Han Solo.  Rey loved Leia Organa (Solo).  And she so so so loved Ben Solo.  And he loved her in return.  He was totally gobsmacked by her the moment the Skywalker saber sailed past his face and into her hand.  From that moment on, he was in love.  She respected Luke, but Luke was an asshole to her.  Luke was the reason Ben ultimately became Kylo.  

Can I just say, when Ben isn’t restraining himself to not hurt Rey in a lightsaber duel, he’s freaking amazing!! He was spectacular in the throne room and again on Exegol.  And SO MUCH his father’s son!  I loved that he shot the guy without looking just like his Dad did in TFA.  And that half bow, half shrug at the Knights of Ren when Rey passed him the lightsaber, that was a Han Solo move too!

The resurrection and kiss and Ben and Rey’s smiles were beautiful and soft and happy. Her thumb running down his cheek was so intimate and sweet. Both of them were so happy.  

I know the soundtrack lists the Tatooine scene as “A New Home” I don’t look at as she is stranded there.  Desert people who like the desert feel the most comfortable in the desert.  It makes sense she would want to be where Luke grew up as continues her growth as a Jedi.  That’s why she built her own lightsaber, afterall.  She has BB8 and the Falcon, so she’s not stuck there. It would be a good place to build a Jedi Academy for Broom Boy and others to find her and learn.

Rey has an acquired family. She’s not alone. She has her hairy dad-like figure in Chewbacca, Poe as a brother, and Finn as a brother and best friend.

My ReyLo heart is shattered because Ben died.  My head knows he had to because he would never be allowed to live happily ever after with Rey at the end of the movie.  He’s a war criminal and would be held accountable for all the crimes and atrocities his First Order committed. Though I’m hopeful that Project Luminous somehow brings him back, it makes sense for fans who only watch the movies and not the animated shows or read books for this to be his ending.

But Luke taught me, “No one is ever really gone.”

[arreole-lavendelle]

Okay, Saw TRoS the 18th. After I exited the cinema, I sat down and wrote this messy review to keep myself from crying my eyes out (Which I did for a whole day afterwards. Still am.)

I've defended the new trilogy. I've defended the whole Skywalker saga, so how...HOW could they do this to me? TO ALL OF US?! JJ and LF, how could you? How could you kill Ben like that? Make him smile so wholeheartedly and then just let him fade away like that. At least he got to save his girl Rey, but where is the FUN and HOPE we were promised for him? WHERE IS IT??!!! How is this a satisfiyng ending??!! TO THE WHOLE SKYWALKER SAGA???!!! I hope Tatooine was just a stop on her way back to Finn/Poe and to finding a way to get Ben back, let her please just be there to hide the lightsabers. Why would Poe let BB-8 behind with her? It's his droid. But if she stays on Tatooine, then she also gets screwed over royally. All she wanted was to belong to a family, who could understand her. A place to belong. Those persons got taken away from her and her SOULMATE died in her arms. NOPE. THAT'S DISGUSTING. And let's talk about other stuff. Like what the fuck happened to Hux. WTF. So much wasted potential. It was not a secret that he hates Kylo, but to become a freaking spy for the resistance, something he hates even more than his supreme leader, NOTE; This guy was happily blowing up Republic planets for the sake of his First Order. And here he says that 'It doesn't matter who wins the war, as long as Kylo Ren loses?' What bullshit is this? His ambition would never let him stoop this low. How did they even got this idea? And even if he had the right reasons to be a rebel spy... HE GOT KILLED LIKE ONLY A MINUTE AFTER THE REVEAL! Like really? And what kind of stupid name is the FINAL ORDER. Come on, that's just lazy writing. The whole character of Palpatine felt off. It looked like they were jotting down ideas and just decided to run all of them at once. Kill Rey, keep her alive to she can rule with him, kill her yourself and take all her energy... *Sigh*... He felt like a stupid comic book villain. And then Rey. Rey Palpatine. That came so out of left field and totally ruined her backstory. The thought of her being nobody and the message that everyone can be special, was powerful. Now they changed the message to 'See, you need a powerful bloodline to be succesful.' Sorry, but they kind of made her a Mary Sue in this movie. All the voices of the Jedi were a nice touch, but WHY HER? Ben is suposed to be the Chosen one, he is the SKYWALKER, the DECENDANT OF VADER. Now all the fallen jedi rally behind Rey and she just... Blocks Palpatine and kills him. Just like that. And what even were the things on the stands? Maybe I overlooked something, but they couldn't be sith ghosts because they could be physically harmed (fallen rocks) It was also such a waste to not show a couple of force ghosts. That was a really save choice they picked, which made the moment feel kind of bland and anti climactic. COWARDS. Also, the Knights of Ren were wasted. You never saw them in action, just standing in the distance, looking cool. Or stalking people but not really do anything. UNTIL they have to kill Ben because of reasons. So they belonged to Palpatine all along? The reveal of Leia's Lightsaber also came out of left field. So she was force trained by Luke and now she force trained Rey? GOOD TO KNOW... This movie is an illogical mash of events and downright lazy and insulting to call itself the final in the Skywalker saga. There were good parts in the movie. But they slipped my mind right now. The death of Ben is still haunting me.I will need a lot of time to mourn him and get myself back together again. HE DESERVED BETTER. JJ and some of the cast are all LIARS. And when Ben died... they don't show how Rey is coping with it, the pacing is so off that the next shot is her just flying away as if nothing really happened and she just made an arrant to the supermarket.It was stated that they could not life without the other, that's how strong their bond was and now they tell me that he just dropped dead after saving her? FUCK YOU. And suddenly, she got a yellow lightsaber... WHERE? WHAT? HOW? Ben.. Poor Ben. They gave an abused man hope and a glimpse of love from his SOULMATE and he just gets thrown down an abyss, to survive that, finds his loved one dead on the floor, cradle her into his arms, uses his force energy to resurrect her, hug her, kiss her, SMILE AT HER and then JUST DIES A MINUTE LATER??!! FUCK YOU. The Resistance... Is just the Resistance. The only thing that made that interessting were Finn and Poe. Not their uncountable love interests. But just the amount of bickering like an eldery married couple, made me enjoy through those parts.But there were also characters with zero to none background info but who seem important enough for lots of screentime. Some even nameless, like how should I get attached to any of them? And they just pushed Lando in like, here is a face you know! CARE FOR IT. AND WHY DID MAZE SMILE? WHAT DOES SHE KNOW THAT WE DON'T? Why is this movie so fucked up? If I could trade the whole resistance, maybe even with Finn and Poe on the line, to get Ben back. I would. BEN DESERVED BETTER. Maybe I will write another train of thoughts when I have scraped myself together and discuss the good parts. Like, the moment Rey is confronting Palpatine and Ben is facing the KoR. They force bond and she hands him the lightsaber. THAT WAS HOT. For now, I try to focus on the posive notes, but it's so damn hard to do. Well, thank you for reading this mess. May the force be with you.

[eirenare]

My TROS experience and thoughts (the good, the bad, a bit of speculation, an “old” WIP drawing, and... hopes)

Putting this under a “read more” because, well... this post is a huge walking spoiler

This morning I woke up really, really early to re-watch TLJ with my brother and do stuff before the hour of watching TROS arrived—I remember almost crying watching TLJ, already almost crying listening to that damn TROS song on Fortnite as my brother played it for a while

I was nervous all day long, honestly. I accidentally stumbled the other day into a hashtag on Twitter called “BenSoloDeservedBetter”, and I was already on edge. A lot. Not to mention that I accidentally saw half a comment somewhere on Twitter saying something that had made me doubt

So, yeah, I basically spent all day trying to give myself hope and reassurance while deeply having ONE FEAR. That was: Ben not surviving

You see, I love with every inch of my being Reylo, but—Ben is my favorite character of all Star Wars. Like, I can’t help it, I have a super soft spot for him

I had, like, super high hopes for TROS, and yeah, I liked the movie... or well, most of it (and I got some things right to my delight and surprise, one of them being the throne with Dark Rey sitting in it, but more on that stuff later)

There were funny moments I enjoyed (Babu Frik, Finn joking about Poe’s past as spice runner, C3PO being C3PO...), the scary/terrorific moments were amazing (gods I love Palpatine’s new appearence, all the Sith and eerie stuff, the whispers, the machinery...), the action/fight scenes were cool overall (Rey and Ben fighting together against their enemies after seeing each other and doing the lightsaber trick was amazing, for example, also the jumps, and I loved seeing all the spaceships together), the imagery was sometimes amazing too (Palpatine sending that enormous lighting to the sky, for example) and the emotional stuff weirdly enough didn’t make me cry but had my heart pounding (Leia’s passing, Han and Ben’s parallel scene, Rey and Ben’s healing scene and their last scene...), not to mention I was gripping tightly my bag and jacket to my lap throughout most of the movie, BUT

B  U  T

The fact that Ben didn’t make it out alive left me very, VERY bitter

I have to say, again, that weirdly enough I just... didn’t cry, even when Rey died, not even when Ben died, and he’s my favorite. Most of the times it happens, that my brain’s kind of... messy, when it comes to emotions (it seems that, most of the time, my brain just goes from “step: something happens” to “step: body/voice reaction” skipping “step: feel” in the middle—... although that usually doesn’t happen if the emotions are negative, which sucks specially if you already feel like you yourself are a mess—), so... yeah

It kind of... Well, the tears didn’t start falling until I was watching the credits with my brother (bless his soul for listening to my rambling, and for granting me multiple hugs, for calling my dear “Ben” instead of “Kylo” now, and overall being so patient with me—I didn’t miss the fact that he was looking at my reactions at some points, like when the Reylo kiss, and then Ben dying, because he knows how much I love them), when it registered that it was really the end, and that yes, Ben was... dead. I kept crying as we watched the credits, and then outside of the theater a bit again, and then at home, and I’m now crying as I write this

Look, I loved the Reylo moments we got even though I wanted some more. And although (as I explained above) I was “numb” almost all the time and even while watching the kiss, I enjoyed it and I could “feel” that I was happy and excited about it because my chest was pounding like crazy and my lips were doing that kind of quivering when you can’t quite contain yourself and you’re emotional

(... Yes, living with this brain of mine is a mess, and I don’t even know if this has always been like this or started at some point, because my memory’s also a good mess—I hate this so much)

But then—then I saw Ben fall backwards and start to disappear, and I went from glee and triumph to “oh no” (also: hello there pit my old friend)

I mean... They just went and killed a character that was trying to do good after a life of strife with himself and what he did and did not do, a character that was just starting to go to the light (to see the light)—a character that’s been all his life marked by the abuse he’s been suffering ever since he was in the kriffing womb, therefore not even allowing him to really live. They basically killed... a symbol of hope

It feels sad and discouraging for me, even though what he did was noble

It just stings. And the fact that Rey didn’t see Ben at the end alongside Leia and Luke, when she adopts the surname “Skywalker”? ... Why. They could’ve added him, but no. Why. And I have to say, while I like a lot “Rey Nobody”, I also like the contrast between her and Palpatine, the subversion of dark and light, that even though darkness runs in her veins, she would still choose the light.

(Also, the totally not serious question my brother and I joke about, though: who the fuck decided to have a crazy night with Mr. Raisin Ass and to give him an “heir”?)

To soothe myself, I like to think that since Ben “vanished” into the Force and became one with it, and that since Rey’s kind of “a host” of the Force (?), he’s now always with her and they can feel each other. I like to think that, sometimes, they’ll see each other, be able to be together if only for brief moments—maybe at night, sleeping, Rey would feel Ben wrapped around her (my feels asdbfkffnggjglg)

(You can bet your ass that I’m abso-kriffing-lutely going to write something about this because I NEED IT BADLY)

Another thing that soothes me is that Ben passed away with the biggest, most beautiful smile on his face, and even though I hate that he died, I’m glad he was able to feel that kind of happiness with Rey and that he was able to join the light side in the end—now, yeah, give me Force Ghost Ben at some point in the future at least,  p l e a s e

EDIT (addition of paragraph) — Also: Ben’s face when he looks at Rey every damn time, Ben running to Rey’s rescue with only a kriffing blaster, again the fight they had and when Rey sent him the lightsaber, and then lifting himself up from the pit with all his kriffing injuries and the pain he must have been enduring to then give up his life to save the love of his life—iconic, badass, a true dork in love whom I adore, the kriffing boss. But you know what I missed A LOT, that I realized I didn’t remember it being in the movie after watching it?? The “I DO”. I don’t think I’ve heard its equivalent in Spanish, and that has me pretty much confused and bitter. Like, wtf? If they let that out:  w h y ?

Kathleen Kennedy pretty much hinted that maybe we’ll see “more Skywalkers” in the future, so, yeah *looks sideways at Rey and her ghost husband* Praying that they’d be in that “Project Luminous” of 2020, or later, but just... be somewhere else more

Something that bothers me, though—is there really a balance in the Force, after TROS? Rey’s lineage may be of dark and she may have taken the path of the light, but does that mean the Force is balanced now, or maybe not...? *scratches head* I don’t know, I need a re-watch and to have some serious thinking of this

As I write this post, I’m trembling almost to a shaking point and my chest is hurting. In all honesty, as much as I love Reylo... If I had to choose between Reylo happening or Ben living, I’d choose Ben living

... Now, it’s gonna hurt so much more reading “The Rise of Kylo Ren”. Oh, dear

If we set aside Ben’s passing, though, regarding how I saw the movie, I’d say that as much as I enjoyed it overall, it kind of felt like... it lacked things. Explanations and a bit more of worldbuilding, for example? More Knights of Ren stuff (although luckily we’re having them in “The Rise of Kylo Ren” alongside their leader, Mr. Hottie McHotHot aka Ren? Maz explaining how she got the Legacy lightsaber? TROS kind of feels, like... a little incomplete to me. I don’t know if to others it feels that way, but it kinda feels like that for me and my brother

Still I’m aware that, well, it HAS to be difficult to end such a story, and that it can’t possibly be easier to fit a lot in a 2h33 movie, you know? It seems... very complicated, and the stakes were high. So yeah, I understand that (while what I don’t take well at all, I don’t think I’ll ever do, is Ben’s death—it was pointless, and the fact that Rey didn’t show too much feeling about it... it feels weird). And well, the junior and non-junior novelizations will come out in March, so I like to think that we’ll get more details in them (like with the TFA and TLJ novelizations)

... And I really, really need a good rewatch of TROS because I’m forgetting a lot of stuff probably. So yeah, next Thursday if all goes well, I should have a ticket to go and watch it again, except this time in English with Spanish subtitles

A funny thing that happened at the theater, by the way, was that a woman hissed in excitement a pair of rows before us “I KNEW IT” when Rey was revealed to be a Palpatine

Also: I really, really hope that Rey doesn’t stay in Tatooine with how much she loves greenery landscape. I hope she went anywhere else that’s green and lush and was able to lead a nice life, to actually live the life Ben granted her, whatever path she would choose to take—and that Ben’s ghost would kind of like, be around her, you know?

Now, there are some things that made me laugh inside, and that is... that I got some stuff right. An example of that is the fact that Rey mentioned seeing herself sitting on that throne, something that happens in my “Rey of Jakku” fic and of which I was doing a WIP the last days of november (look, that happening was the thing least probable in my mind so... lol):

Also the cannon distroying Kijimi, too, and it seems that about the nature of Rey and Ben’s bond too. Also, when C3PO started explaining about the Pasaana festivity it kind of reminded me of how he started explaining the marriage customs in my “arranged marriage in Pasaana” AU. And I don’t remember now because my head’s pretty much a mess and specially right now (and as I said I really need a re-watch), but I think I recognized other things too

TROS wasn’t what I expected, and on the scales it has both its good and its not-so-good things (being the worst of them, for me, Ben’s death—of which I’m trying to cope by thinking what I said of him being literally with Rey now, maybe sometimes being able to see each other and interact), so... it’s a weird mix of me liking the movie while also not enjoying it nearly as much as I wanted to (as I think I should’ve)

Even though I’m super bitter about Ben, however, thank you to all of the team for working hard on the movie—doing the last piece of the Skywalker saga movies sounds everything but easy

Now, looking forward to the future...

I see myself continuing to write and draw Reylo, honestly. Ben’s death has kind of spurred me further to do stuff, so yeah—gonna keep up with my alternate TROS Reylo fic (“Rey of Jakku”), and I’m pumped to attempt writing other stuff, like... trying to write regarding Force Ghost Ben interacting with Rey, or working on AUs (*looks sideways at the “arranged marriage in Pasaana” AU, “Ice-skating” AU and the “padawan Ben meets mechanic Rey in Batuu” AU)

Will also be looking forward with utmost interest at “The Rise of Kylo Ren”, and to see what the merchandising team and the books and comics have to show in 2020—which means I’ll be dying inside all over again when I see Ben and Rey’s last scene, but well *shrugs* The novels are specially interesting to me. I mean, getting to read how these two felt about each other throughout TROS, and specially at the end? Written by Rae Carson? YES PLEASE

Also, if “Project Luminous” happened to have Rey (and even better yet: Force Ghost Ben appearing), I’d be even more interested in it—a lot more

The experience with TROS was a mix of good and not-so-good things, coupled with the One Fear I had regarding Ben (my baby... oh, how that kriffing stings), but still, it wasn’t that bad of an experience in my case

So, yeah... I think I’ll write some more thoughts later, tomorrow or another day when my head’s clearer (probably will write more when I re-watch), but so far, these are my thoughts on TROS

Rest in peace, darling, beloved Ben... </3 T_T

[alistairs-raven]

My ranking of all 11 Star Wars films in order.

Disclaimer: I actually like all the SW films in some way except my least favorite. But there are definitely some that have more that I dislike about them. Also my opinions are 100% the only opinions one can have, and if this list offends you, it was meant to offend you personally.

11: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story

I have watched this movie twice, once in the theater and once during a marathon. I also have never seen this movie in it's entirety because I cannot focus on it. It bores me so much that I keep blanking out and daydreaming. I cannot tell you anyone's name except the main character and the main imperial officer. I just could not get into this movie, but I will say if nothing else, it had the best Darth Vader scene ever.

10: Star Wars 9: Rise of Skywalker

It took me days to figure out if I liked this movie or not. There are actually a lot of things that I like, but the things I didn't like I REALLY didn't like. So much so, that this movie actually really hurt me to think about. And apart from a movie being boring, it shouldn't feel like personal stab to what matters to you. I liked Palpatine (pointless as that plot was), Kylo Ren and Rey's amazing acting, and seeing old friends again. This movie also had good humor. The bad things are too many to count, but mainly this film was poorly directed, full of 3 films worth of plot that make no sense, and the worst offender is that it felt like the director (JJ Abrams) did not care about these characters at all. I had fallen so in love with pretty much everyone in the ST, and to see almost all of them sidelined, stereotyped, and departing from any previous character development just hurt. This film made me cry, and not in a good way.

9: Star Wars 1: The Phantom Menace

I don't hate this movie. In fact when it first came out, I enjoyed it. Sure I was a dumb little kid, but I rewatched it a lot. Sadly, as an adult I see now all the issues with it, none I have to really get into since everyone knows at this point. The parts I enjoy are Darth Maul (hell yea), the podrace, and this film also probably has the best score of the entire series.

8: Solo: A Star Wars story

This one was good, it just wasn't great. The actor's portrayal of Han Solo was perfect, Lando was perfect, I loved seeing places that you only hear about in passing in the films. Freakin Darth Maul (hell yea). The not so good was this movie had a very generic heist plot, it felt incomplete, and I didn't really connect with anyone besides Han and Lando.

7: Star Wars 6: Return of the Jedi

This one also falls into the 'just okay' category. There's no real plot except a recycled one from episode 4, Luke has no personality in it, Leia is sidelined. The goods are that Vader's sacrifice to save his son was so unexpected and beautifully done (at least in the original cut), the Jabba Palace scene is one of my favorite parts of the entire series, and the rebel characters in this movie are super fun (Ackbar, Lando, ect). Also the ghosts at the end was a very nice touch.

6: Star Wars 2: Attack of the Clones

I HATED this movie when it first came out. I only saw it once and not again until last year when my friend insisted we marathon the SW movies. Now I love this movie, because it's the good kind of bad. The whole thing is just a meme, with some of the worst dialogue of the entire series. However, the characters are all super fun. Rewatching it years later, I was pleasantly surprised that I now love Hayden's portrayal of Anakin Skywalker. His character is by far the best part of the movie. He brought so much energy to the character, and I actually really connected and felt for him. I always loved Kamino, and I think it's very creative. The effects were also a lot better. The bad is the poor directing, horrible dialogue (sand), and that this movie killed Boba Fett for me.

5: Star Wars 4: A New Hope

These next three are hard for me to rank. Episode 4 is fun, creative, makes you feel like a kid again, has effects that were so groundbreaking that they held up for 40 years, changed filmmaking itself, introduced us all to a universe that has touched so many lives around the world. I am convinced that the Lightsaber sound is the best sound design in history. All the characters are likeable, the score is the best in all of cinema, and there is such a sense of satisfaction when this movie ends. It's hard to find faults with this movie, but of course our dear Mr. Lucas had to change this movie that was perfect, so now it's full of ugly cgi. That added Jabba scene is so dumb.

4: Star Wars 3: Revenge of the Sith

I loved this movie when it came out and I am still very fond of it. When it came out we all thought it was going to be the last SW (lol) and I was determined to enjoy it as much as I could. It has the best effects of the prequels, all the characters are well acted, there's so much emotion and heart in it, and it has some of the coolest planets and settings in it. I LOVE the opening scene, I still can't watch it without my jaw dropping a little. There was a lot of hype leading up to it, and I grew really fond of General Grievous and was disappointed to see him barely used. It also suffered from the bad dialogue issues that plague Lucas films. Despite the good acting, there were awkward moments that I feel were a case of bad directing. Padme dying from a 'broken heart' despite now having babies makes me feel that Lucas doesn't understand people.

3: Star Wars 7: The Force Awakens

This movie is very special to me for personal reasons - I almost didn't live to see it. But it was well worth staying alive for and gave me a new reason to live. It introduced me to Rey, a nobody who has had to deal with being alone for so long. Something that I can relate to. And it also introduced me to Kylo Ren, the angry and also very alone character that quickly became my favorite character of all time. I even legally changed my name to Ren. Finn, Poe, BB-8, Hux, Phasma... so many characters that I all love and have spent hours talking about, roleplaying, reading about, drawing, and just enjoying. My complaint is the plot, which is simply a remake of episode 4. I also am not the biggest fan of JJ Abrams directing style, as I feel he can make movies very well, but he's not a very creative storyteller and is infamous for simply repolishing things other people have done. Also Rey's theme is my favorite song in the entire SW score.

2: Star Wars 5: The Empire Strikes Back

Before the ST, I had watched this one more than all the others. Hoth, the battles, Yoda, the asteroid field, cloud city, Vader, Lando, I am your father moment, Leia being force sensitive, the list goes on. Also this movie gave us the BEST bad guy theme (until dual of the fates that is). This movie felt a lot cleaner than the one before it and the one after it. It also had good dialogue, character development, and depth that's missing when Lucas is directing. It was less fanservice and more just a good film. However I never understood the tree scene (wtf was that). And it always bothered me that Lando allowed them to hurt his friend, granted it wasn't what he originally thought was going to happen.

1: Star Wars 8: The Last Jedi

I went to this movie 10 times in the theater and have seen it countless times since it came out. I LOVE everything about this movie. It's creative, full of new ideas and concepts, has so many emotions, beautiful art direction, and deepened every single character in it. Rarely does a movie come along where every character develops and is different at the end. Rarely do we get a movie in a huge series that focuses on being a good movie rather than fanservice. I could not predict this movie, and was on the edge of my seat for the whole thing wondering what in the world was going to happen next. The director, Rian, is clearly a fantastic storyteller who can also do subtlety. The first 4-5 times I saw this movie I was still seeing new things. It revived a love of Star Wars in me and I dreaded what would come after because I doubt anything will ever be this good again. I certainly hope we get something as good or maybe better one day. This movie solidified Rey as my favorite SW protagonist.

[themeatlife]

the Meat Life Stay-At-Home Watchlist

Chronicling what I have watched or rewatched through the pandemic so far

The world has changed around us the last few months, particularly in the United States since March 11.  With the lack of events to hit up, like most Americans I’ve been catching up on some watching through the various streaming services and my own digital copies of movies and shows.

I didn’t really think of keeping up with what I have been watching until just recently, but here is what I can remember hitting up so far since I’ve spent the majority of the time at home.  Some are favorites that I would have watched anyway.  Some were unfinished until I got a chance to get back to them.  And others just became available.

Here’s what I remember of the watchlist:

The Office (Netfilx) This is a favorite of me and the wife.  We watch this on the regular though.  My wife uses The Office as her lullaby of sorts, putting it on in the evening as she gets ready for bed and is in bed to fall asleep.  I did a post on the 15th anniversary, so I won’t really deep-dive.

Gossip Girl (Netflix) Another one that my wife rotates with The Office as her lullaby.  The series is not bad, it’s basically The OC in Manhattan (both are created and developed by Josh Schwartz).  It also takes on a new perspective when you think about star Penn Badgley is the creep in You.  So Dan Humphrey gets this weird creeper Joe Goldberg vibe at times.

Parks and Recreation (Netflix) I never got into Parks and Rec on its original run.  I was encouraged to check it out by some coworkers since I liked The Office.  It is a great show, very funny, and poignant in a way.  It feels like a throwback to when people could disagree politically and still get along.  There is a lot less of that nowadays.  We might need more Parks and Rec in real life.  I started this right before the pandemic and finished around the beginning of things getting locked down.

Frozen II (Disney+) The sequel debuted on Disney+ early on in the quarantine period.  My family enjoyed it.  I thought it was entertaining, but I felt like it was weighted down a bit by the mythology explaining.  It seemed too busy explaining a lot of things.  Still an enjoyable movie, but the first is better.

Tiger King: Murder, Mayhem, and Madness (Netflix) Intriguing.  The series debuted early in the quarantine period and became a staple of stay-at-home viewing and a runaway hit.  Lots of WTF moments.  It was like the train wreck analogy to the Nth degree.  But you can tell it was made in a way that leans in favor of Joe Exotic, making him look like a victim in the last couple episodes.  Also gave way to memorable memes ever since.

The Rocketeer (Disney+) I haven’t watched this movie since I was a kid.  Looking back, you can see a lot of The Rocketeer in Captain America - The First Avenger.  Easy to see though, since they share the same director Joe Johnston.  Prior to America’s involvement in World War II, a movie star Nazi goes after an experimental rocket pack developed by Howard Hughes.  The rocket pack is retrieved by accident from a down on luck stunt pilot.  Fun movie.

Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (Disney+) I should have watched the entire Skywalker saga leading up to it, but I figured I have a ton of time to do that later.  This was a May the 4th watch.  I haven’t watched the Skywalker saga finale since it was in theaters.  It’s not a bad movie, I just feel it could have been a lot better with some modifications here and there.  Also, I believe this was going to be the Leia movie.  The Force Awakens was Han’s swan song, as was The Last Jedi for Luke.  I feel like this would have been great for Leia but obviously they were limited due to the untimely death of Carrie Fisher.  The scene where Ren/Ben speaks with Han after battling Rey would have hit harder with Leia instead of Han.

Trolls: World Tour (VOD) Cute kid movie.  Was nice to hear a lot of familiar music.  Sucks that rock was the villain in the first couple acts.  Seeing it once was enough, though.  Like the first Trolls, I am glad my kids enjoyed it but did not participate in excessive multiple viewings.

Onward (Disney+) Didn’t get a chance to catch this at the theater before they closed them down.  Great movie, but gosh.  Why does Pixar always pull at the heart strings like that?  I was quietly crying to myself at the end.  I’m glad we made our living room dark theater-style, otherwise my kids would have seen me all torn up.

Fast and Furious 5-7 (Fast Five - HBO, The Fast and the Furious 6/Furious 7 - Digital) I ended up not watching the entire series.  There is a great trilogy within the series, 5-7 was that trilogy.  Fast Five was the best of the FF franchise and where it perfected their movie formula.  It was like an action Ocean’s Eleven with cars.  6 and 7 expanded on that formula, upping the humor and ridiculousness factor.  6 had the exits of the Han and Gisele characters (they found a way to tie in Tokyo Drift to the rest of the series, Gal Gadot was on her way to becoming Wonder Woman for DC).  And 7 had that great ending with the tribute to Paul Walker to the sounds of Wiz Khalifa and Charlie Puth.

Toy Story 4 (Disney+) Another Pixar hit.  Didn’t hit me quite as hard as Onward or Toy Story 3 did emotionally, thank goodness.  I thought this story was over the way Toy Story 3 ended.  But Pixar did a good job adapting to prolong these characters stories.  It did feel like it was a bit of two and three combined looking back.  Still very good, Pixar knows what it’s doing.

The Marvel Infinity Saga (Disney+/Netflix/Digital) Leading up to the one-year anniversary of the release of Avengers: Endgame, I went through and rewatched all 23 MCU movies.  This time, I went in chronological story order by starting with Captain America - The First Avenger.  I chronicled the order I watched in my last post.  Even after viewing many of these movies multiple times, I’m still amazed at how much I enjoy them and the scope of what Marvel was able to achieve leading into the climax in Endgame.

Community (Netflix/Hulu) I loved Community on its initial run on NBC but never watched any of the episodes when it was on Yahoo for its sixth season.  It has been great to rewatch the meta-humor and sitcom trope parodies.  And since Ken Jeong and Joel McHale started their own podcast called The Darkest Timeline (half COVID-19, half Community pod), it has been a good companion viewing.

The Back to the Future Trilogy (Netflix) Recent add to Netflix for easy viewing, these movies have been a favorite of the Mitra boys since childhood.  Upon viewing as an adult, there is some humor that I didn’t recognize as a kid that is hilarious to me now.  It is also crazy how well this teen time-travel sci-fi comedy works.  Some of the effects in Part 2 are dated and 2015 didn’t quite end up the way it did in the movies.  But overall very enjoyable on the rewatch!

Extraction (Netflix) High budget action flick funded by Netflix?  Written by the Russo Brothers?  And staring Chris Hemsworth?  I’m in!  Directed by long-time stunt man and Russo Bros go-to stunt coordinator Sam Hargrave (you can tell the Russo influence).  It has an awesome 15ish minute one-shot action/chase sequence that is top notch.  Don’t think much about the plot or the controversy of cultural representation, just enjoy the action.

The Mighty Ducks Trilogy (HBO) Another childhood favorite of mine.  Nevermind that the hockey itself isn’t accurate.  This is about pure fun for an hour and a half at a time.  Come for the hi-jinx, stay for the heart.  Triple-deke, knuckle-puck, taking out the trash.  And leave it out on the ice!

The Harry Potter Series (Blu-Ray/Digital) This was not a go-to for me until Linda made me watch the entire series.  I guess when the first movie came out, it was too much of a kid movie for me (I was a high school senior at the time).  But from the second movie onward, it felt like the storytelling and movie making got better and better.  The Deathly Hallows was an epic ending, even if they did change the ending from the book.  I didn’t watch the newer Fantastic Beasts movies along with this though, my wife did.

Westworld - Season 3 (HBO) Recently got HBO back, so I caught up on Westworld Season 3.  I haven’t rewatched the previous seasons yet, but I may revisit it soon.  Season 1 was spectacular, Season 2 was confusing as hell but still entertaining.  Season 3 is somewhere in between, expanding on the ongoing storyline.  It was more straight-forward because its storyline is in the “real-world.”  For those of you that have watched, didn’t you think it was highly ironic that the Incite ball was basically the AT&T logo? (AT&T is the parent company for WarnerMedia and HBO)

The Last Dance (ESPN/ESPN+) The Michael Jordan docu-series has been a god-sent for sports fans devoid of live American sports for the past couple months.  Is it Jordan-biased?  Sure.  But it is full of drama and intrigue and full of nostalgia.  The NBA had commissioned a camera crew to follow the 1997-1998 Chicago Bulls on their run for their sixth NBA championship.  Jordan owned the controlling rights to the footage and unlocked it after the 2016 NBA Finals.  So this documentary was years in the making and with the pandemic the release date was moved up.  Although it featured a lot of unseen footage, it also chronicled the years leading up to the 1998 Bulls title.  The last 5 Sundays have been awesome.

The Princess Bride (Disney+) I haven’t watched this movie since I was a kid.  It wasn’t one of my recurring watches back then.  So this was actually my second viewing of this movie ever.  I found it quite enjoyable.  It was cheesy, but fun, and a good family watch.  One of the many older titles available on Disney+.

Scoob (VOD) My kids had some of the older Scooby Doo episodes on DVD and watched them when they were younger.  This was a fun revisit for them and for us as parents.  It was actually cool seeing a lot of the Hanna-Barbera characters in one movie.  We watched this shortly after finishing Community, and my kids recognized Ken Jeong’s voice as Dynomutt.  My daughter hilariously shouted “Senor Chang!” when she recognized him.

The Indiana Jones Series (Netflix) I introduced my son to Indiana Jones a few months ago watching Raiders of the Lost Ark.  He loved it.  He lost a little bit of interest during the Temple of Doom, I think the character Short Round lost it for him (character hasn’t aged well).  The Last Crusade reclaimed his interest.  Harrison Ford was at his natural apex playing Indiana Jones.  I did not watch the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.  I didn’t feel the need to revisit that installment, while it was enjoyable the alien ending ruined the lead up to it.

The Dark Knight Trilogy (Batman Begins/The Dark Knight - Hulu, The Dark Knight Rises - Digital) Every few years I try to revisit this series.  It is the best thing DC has ever put out cinematically.  While Begins and Rises is more comic book, TDK is a straight crime drama set in the world of Batman.  My favorite is Rises, but the absolute best comic book movie remains The Dark Knight, even with the advent of the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

Jurassic Park/Jurassic World Series (Jurassic Park/The Lost World: Jurassic Park - Blu-Ray, Jurassic World - Digital, Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom - Cinemax) The original Jurassic Park is such a great movie.  Rewatching, it’s crazy how well the effects for the dinosaurs hold up.  Steven Spielberg, Stan Winston, and ILM did a great job mixing animatronic and CGI dino effects that stand the test of time.  The Lost World was enjoyable but not as good as the original.  I skipped JP III, such a bad movie.  Jurassic World was a good way to reboot the series, basically a remake of the original but incorporating a lot of references to it.  I just finished Fallen Kingdom today.  Although Fallen Kingdom was entertaining, it fails to recapture some of the magic of JP and JW.

I’m not sure what I will hit up next.  I might hit some Keanu Reeves movies like Speed, the Matrix Trilogy, and/or the John Wick Trilogy.  Maybe Top Gun.  Maybe rewatch Friends or How I Met Your Mother.  Maybe something on HBO Max when it comes out like The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air.  Maybe Terminator.  Possibilities are endless, at least until some American sports return.